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PADDY PUNGEOT; 




OR, 



*}oC0* 



A MMBLING IRISHMAN. 



*)0W4' 



EIGHT FEOM THE OULD SOD. 



C)(? 



BY 



J. M. DOHERTY, 



-of^^^fo- 



dh 



SAN FEANCISCO : 

JOS. WINTERBURN & CO., PRINTERS AND ELECTROTYPERS 

4i7 Clay Street, between Sansome aud Battery. 

1867. 



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THE FASHIONABLE /^J?\ /• 



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AND 



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Wo. 3^3 M^ontg-omerj^ street. 



DR. ¥. K. DOHERTY, 



SACRAMENTO STREET, BELOW MONTGOMERY, 

Opposite the Pacific Mail Steamship Go's OtKce, 
PriArate entrance on Leidesdorff Street, SAJV FJtAKCISCO. 



Office Hours from 9 A. M. to 9 P. M. Commuuications strictly confidential. 



I^" Permanent Cure Guaranteed or Ko Pay. Consultations Free. 

Address DR. W. K. DOHERTY, San Francisco. 




ARE EXCLUSIVE. 

ARE UNAPPROACHABLE. 
Foi^ Ileiixniingr? 

ARE SUPERIOR. 



ARE UNEQUALED. 

ARE UNSURPASSED. 
r'ox^ Felling, 

ARE ADMIRABLE. 



Foi" ©titcliing, ARE FAULTLESS. 

They liave received the highest premiums at every State and County 
Fair, when exhibited, during the past three years, also at the Great Exhibi- 
tions of 

London, Paris, Dublin, Llnz, Besaneon, Bay- 
onne, St= Dezler, Chalons, 

and have been furnished, bj^ special command, to the Empress of France, 
Emiaress of Austria, Empress of Russia, Empress of Brazil, Queen of 
Spain and Queen of Bavaria. 

PARTICULAR ATTE^TIOM 

Is reqiiested to our NEW STYLES OF 



Tor Tailoring, Shoemaking, Harnessmaking, 

and any mamifacturing requiring the use of a fast and desirable SHUT- 
TLE MACHINE. None who examine the operation and improvements of 
these new styles wiU wiUingiy use the noisy and cumbrous styles of other 
makers. 

Send for Circtilars and Samples of Sewinff. 

H. O. JSHO^^VIV, Agent, 
116 3Iontgonierif Street, 

Under Occidental Hotel, San Francisco. 



mUMl SWING MACHIl 




The Most Simple, Reliable and Popular 
Sewing Machine in the World! 

Report of Committee on Sewing Mtttt^^u:"^ . 

^ CATjIFOMNIA. state JTAIM, 1866. 

To the President of the State Agricultural Society: Your 
Committee on Sewing Machines beg leave to report ths^ we 
have examined the several Sewing Machines on exhibition — the 
Wheeler & Wilson, Grover &, Baker, and Florence — and find 
that 

FOR GENERAL FAMILY USE, 

THE IF'X.OIiElVOE IS THE BEST. 

tSigned] J. N. ANDREWS, 

V THOS. C. McHALE, 

L. ELKUS- 



SAMUEL HILL, General Agent. 

Ill Montgomery Street, San Francisco. 



\ 




OR, 



EIGHT FEOM THE OULD SOD. 



U// ■U;7: 



BY 

' X J .! ■:' ■ ..,--'' 

J. M. "^DOHERTY. 

Entered according to Act of Congress in the year 1867, by 
J. M. DOHERTY, 



in tlie Clerk's Oifice of tlie 
51] 



\\ 




tates District Couf-t, for the' 



SAN FRANCISCO: 

JOS. WINTERBURN & CO., PRINTERS AND ELECTKOTYPERS 

417 Clay Street, between !?ansome and Battery, 

1867. 



ck 



" If he resolved to venture upon the dangerous precipice of 
telling unbiased truth, let him proclaim war with mankind — 
neither to give nor to take quarter * * * then he may go on 
fearless ; and this is the course I take myself." 

DE FOE. 



PADDY PUNGENT; 



OR, 



A RAMBLINa IRISHMAN. 



ti igfc 



CHAPTER I. 

Departure from SanFrancisco. — California. — A lovely 
Land. — Acapulco.— Various Sailing Scenes. — Ar7-i- 
val in New York. — Crossing the Banks. — Arrival 
in Liverpool. — The Colonization Theory,— A Bould 
Fenian Boy. — Dublin Bay, — A Model Landlord. — 
Fetticoat Lane. — Phoenix F ark.— Dean Swift.— 
Tom Moore. — Irish Jaunting Cars, 

"But how the subject theme may gang, 
Let time and you determine. 
Perhaps it may turn out a sang, 
Perhaps turn out a sermon." — Burns. 

C OME men are born ricli, some poor, some handsome 
and some homelj. Some live respected by all wbo 
know them, a long useful and happy life, while others, 
with advantages entirely equal, are so constituted that 
all the wealth of California could not make them either 
useful, respected or happy. Countless, thousands are 
compelled to toil and suffer during their entire weari- 
some lives and not a few are doomed to deprivation, 
dispair and death, right in the midst of the favored few 
who revel in luxurv and riot in excess. Some come 



4 Paddy Pungent. 

into the world comparatively poor and through life are 
bound to have both wealth and honors thurst upon 
them, while others, sink, honors, energy and ambition, 
beneath the foundation of the old homesteaid in which 
they live and die. And others still there are in this 
eventful world of ours, where every man must at some- 
time or other, feel helpless against the fetters of circum- 
stances and powerless to escape from them, who are doom- 
ed to drift about by every wind and tide from one end of 
the earth to the other. 

The Arabs say that a" man's fate is written upon his 
skull, and I suppose mine was. to travel, for since I fir^st 
ran as a rustling little bog-trotter^ with a "Reading 
made Easy " and two sods of turf under my arm, to a 
college behind a quick^set hedge in the bogs of Tyrone, 
I have been continually, on the titot. But although my 
life has been a rather eventful" one, I Would not write 
its history. . ' i^'i^SviU^^ 

A brief sketch of a trip from San Francisco to 
Dublin, and a short chapter on what may be met 
with now a days, in the land of Paddy, with a few 
practical reflections by the way, as the preachers. say, 
are all I shall attempt for the present. Well, it Was 
just about a month, after the commencement of the 
last rainy season that I started from San Francisco 
and as if by concerted plan to make things look more 
fresh and beautiful on my departure it had rained just 
enough the night before.to deepen the green on our huge 
hill sides and perfume the flowers which bloom perpet- 
ually around their base. I love this so called rainy 
season of California,-— I love it because it so much re- 
sembles an Irish April — I love it for its clear and cloud- 



The Golden Gate. 5 

less nights, its bright and cheerful mornings, its bursts 
of glorious sunshine and snatches of warm rain— I love 
it for its very fickleness. As I stepped on board the 
Panama Steamer at Folsom street wharf, her last bell 
was ringing energetically, and great clouds of black 
smoke from her smokestacks penetrated the purest at- 
mosphere that ever man breathed. As we steamed 
down the harbor, a soft dewy shower blended the earth 
and sky and as it added new beauty to the tender green 
of the one and celestial blue of the other, it tempered 
the heat of the sun. And as it cleared away it was 
sweet to see those treeless old hills, which hem in the 
Golden Gate and the lovely bay, clothed in green and 
studed all over with peaceful homes, with the stately man- 
sions of the rich and the simple cottages of competence. 
Rounding Telegraph Hill, the big guns of Black Point 
and Fort Alcatras, frowned a farewell to us and then, 
scattering in picturesc[ue squares over the spacious 
plain, came the Presidio Barracks; and then again we 
Jooked— what less could we do— at the lovely little nook 
right opposite. Why has this sweet little spot not be- 
come betterkno^\^n to San Franciscans'? Entombed be- 
tween two great mountain, ridges, which slope down to 
ithe- wat.ersr edge, the g'reen secluded vale lies in almost 
fatiguing calmness ; while all around the huge headlands 
•the immense Pacific tosses itself intOi a .thousand con- 
vultions, ever putting on a new appearance of sublim- 
ity in its mad career. Now it rises like an angry flood 
to beat down the huge rocks, and now as if aware of 
-the wild attempt it leaps back in mad fury, breaks into 
a thousand ripples and runs off to gambol with the 
tiny shells along the shore. Like her climate and soil, 



6 Vaddy Pungent, 

tlie scenery of California, for beauty and. sublimity, 
connot be surpassed. Such broad blue fields of water, 
such magnificent mountains and infinite distance of 
landscape, such a luxury of lights and shades, and above 
all, such a balmy extatic atmosphere. 

Barren and naked and uninviting as the brown hilly 
shores of California appear at first sight, the wonderful 
beauty and fertility of the valleys, which stretch back 
from the rock bound shores, wherein the beasts of the 
fields and the birds of the air revel in lovely groves and 
generous pastures ; the majestic grandeur of the interi- 
or forests ; the rich coloring and strangely fantastic forms 
of the mountains, all, taken together with the bright 
and glorious sunshine which pours down from morning 
till night, a generous flood of light on both sea and land, 
combine to make California the most desirable country 
on earth to dwell in. But, California is besides, a re- 
gion of wonderful variety of production. Above all 
other lands, it is emphatically the land of the fig, the' 
grape, the orange, the olive and the pomegranate. 

If only one-half of the capabilities of the soil and the 
advantages of the climate of California were known in 
the Atlantic States and in Europe, the country would 
be overrun with millions of population in a single year. 
For my part nothing on earth could induce me to live 
away from California. Standing then, as I did on the 
deck of a princely steamer as she majestically parted 
the placid waters, where, a few years before Mr. Indian? 
with his wife and all his worldly goods beside him, pad- 
dled his rude canoe ; what more could I say, than " for 
a while, sweet land, farewell ! " But we could fancy that 



Modern Progress. 7 

we saw the lone Indian, when the plash of his paddle 
and the surge of the Pacific alone disturbed the soli- 
tude of the scene. To-day a populous and wealthy city 
stands upon the ashes of his camping ground and the 
earnest din of the anvil, the sharp shriek of the steam 
whistle, and the busy hum of human voices make 
music in concert with the wild waves in their play. 
Thinking of Mr. Indian and his canoe, brought vividly 
to our recollection, many of the forms and ways by 
which our fathers " went upon the waters." 

We thought of the slime-doubed basket of the As- 
syrian, and its loin-clad owners ; of Tungooses, chaunt- 
ing strange hymns to diabolic gods, as with heavy pad- 
dles in a hollow tree, they wounded the waters ; of the 
heavy Scandinavian bark — the trunks of two hollow 
trees conjoined— and of the Egyptian Charon, which 
the Greeks, in their clumsy confounding of theology 
with fact, styled an infernal monster. Turning from 
these simple structures, which in their day and gener- 
ation were considered monuments of human invention, 
to the magnificent steam propelled ship, which carried 
us swiftly over an ocean, on which our ancestors dare 
not venture, except to crawl around its coast, we could 
not but wonder where, those who assert that mankind 
are deteriorating, expect to find facts to bear them out. 
The steamship has superseded the canoe ; the Tele- 
graph has taken the place of the carrier pigeon, and 
our Columbiads have blown the bow and arrow into 
oblivion ; but with all this great and substantial 
progress before our eyes, we must still cling with 
vulgar tenacity, to theories that were barely suffi- 
cient to humbug men in the days, when bows and ar- 



8' Faddy. Pungent. 

rows, eanoes and carrier pigeons, were the order of. the 
day. At Acapulco, we found the French in force, 
where, during the daj,, they held quiet possession of 
the town ; but during the night, it was disputed terri- 
tory, for the old Mexican veteran. General Alveras, 
who with a small band of Mexican patriots, still held 
a pass in, the Coast Range of mountains^ — a pass ^^^here : 

' ' A hundred men might guard the post 
With hardihood, against a host." 

— renewed his claims to it nightly. At the approach 
of night the French invariably retired inside of their 
fortification^, and then ordered everybody who might 
have occasion to move about after sunset, to carry a 
lamp. Those who had the hardihood to disobey the 
order and venture abroad after dark, without throwr 
ing a light on the subject, were, sure to be shot down 
by the French sentinels, while; to.keep things lively 
the; liberal forces blazed away at a light qs long as it 
flickered ; so between the 'tWo iires, the poor devils, 
who were compelled to stay in: the place, ha/d a .prelity 
time of it. , • 

Owing to the very generous; and hunjane decrees of 
the " Emperor " Maximilian, Mexico was. then ,a very 
desimble place to-r-die.in j andihe best df it was* that 
no matter whether the bullets by which the faithful re- 
ceived their purgatorial pass, were propelled by native 
or imported powder absolution, was always obtainable. 
To describe at great length, the trip frotri San Fran^ 
cisco to JWew York, would I fear, be like telling a thrice 
told tale iji.sdT will simply say, that we reached Pana- 
ma in good health, crossed the Isthmus of Darian in 
short order, (thanks to thatmonument of American en- 



Sailing Scenes. ,9 

ergy, the Panama Railroad) and re-embarked cheerful- 
\j on board the " New York," at Aspinwall. 

On passing through the West Indies, we could not, 
however, retain our thoughts from again wandering 
back into the pages of the past. We thought of Colum- 
bus, pacing his deck like a discontented spirit in these 
waters, during his marvelous quest for an unknown land, 
when men and oceans and winds seemed warring against 
him ; of the watch of Mahommed's sailors upon the Bos- 
phorus, when they guarded the doomed city of Constan- 
tine against relief by sea ; of Washington crossing the 
Delaware on that dark and cold December night, when 
the river was filled with floating ice, and of Farragut's 
fleet ascending the Mississippi in the face of a storm 
of red hot shot, hissing shells and seething fire-rafts, 
which threatened destruction on every hand. Upon 
all these sailing scenes, we might dilate fully, did the 
time permit : 

We might even say something about " Burnside 
Crossing the Rappahannock" and about the " voyages " 
of the busy, but eccentric Mr. Pepys from Mort Lake 
to London, a thing which he in his day thought quite 
venturesome, and all because he had to *' shoot " the 
old London Bridge at 2 o'clock in the night. 

Well shooting the old London Bridge at such an 
hour of the night, and in such an age, when eleven 
shillings a quarter had to be paid to the parish con- 
stable for keeping away the witches, was indeed a 
dangerous exploit, but in these degenerate days, when 
raftsmen, flat-boatmen, and even miners from Montana, 
follow the meanderings of the Missouri and Mississippi 
rivers from the mountains to their mouths, his ex- 



10 Paddy Pungent. 

ploit does not seem quite so daring. But let the 
" mighty Missouri roll down to the sea," and let the 
Thames ripple on too, as it did two hundred years ago, 
while the good ship hears me quickly towards the dis- 
tant S'axon shore, and while I pass the time in social 
conversation with the sons and daughters of Saxons 
whose remote ancestors, too, tracked^down a stream to 
the "far off" Baltic Sea. 

The entire trip to New York was a pleasant one, and 
very favorable to the development of the tender pas- 
sion. The females were generally left to take care of 
themselves, and with native modesty, they avoided 
observation and the sun, and sought seclusion and the 
shade. A sea voyage through the tropics, is very 
favorable to the expansion of the young affections, and 
generally brings out all the^peculiarities of character 
in both men and women, but whether they are likely 
to love their fellow creatures the more or less on 
account of the change,^is a matter which I shall cheer- 
fully hand over to the consideration of those Addis- 
sonian divines whose lectures|I have read by the way. 
And although the " course " did not add much to the 
present stock of theological knowledge should they make 
up their minds to give us their intellect on this very in- 
teresting subject, namely : " Christianity on a Cruise,'' 
we shall promise faithfully to abstain from consulting 
anything " hostile." In eight hours after my arrival 
in Gotham, the steamship " Edinburgh," by which I 
resolved to sail, was ready to start, so that I had 
barely time to take a trot around the great Central 
Park. With a fair wind and a full head of steam this 
good ship had us soon out of sight of the teeming city. 



Crossing the Banks. 11 

Shooting past Sandy Hook, and along the eastern shore 
of Long Island, like a swallow on swift wing, she 
quickly forced us to give a last lingering look at the 
long strip of land, which was fast fading from our view ; 
and so we bid farewell to Long Island. 

We are now steaming slowly — very slowly — over 
the Banks of Newfoundland, for a dense fog has for 
several hours completely enveloped our noble ship in 
its dismal folds. One or two ladies in the saloon are 
trying to sleep the dreary time away, their heads 
gently moving with the motion of the ship, while the 
gentlemen have sought comfort with the barkeeper. 
The ship's bell tolls plaintively, the steam-whistle 
shrieks sharply, so the Captain feels his way cautiously 
as the grim hungry water, like a snake deprived of 
prey, goes hissing spitefully past. 

Two English gentlemen are now busy discussing 
the merits of the Mormon faith, while several ladies, 
resting their heads on the table and putting on a 
pleasant smile, pay earnest attention. The man at the 
helm, who unlike our California steersmen, takes his 
stand at the stern, seems to pay more attention to the 
people in the cabin than to his duty at the wheel. On 
deck the mates strut around, swear and exhibit red 
tape on turn, and the boatswain is blowing, whistling, 
and bellowing continually. And yet with all this 
brawling and bustling, greasy barrels and tarry ropes 
are forever tossing about the dirty deck, and one will 
look in vain for that clean, comfortable and orderly 
appearance to be met with on board any moderately 
well arranged American steamer. 

It was well on in the afternoon when we landed in 



12 Paddy Pungent. 

Liverpool, but seeiiig that we were just in time for tbe 
outgoing Dublin mail boat " St. Patrick," we uncere- 
i^ioniously walked on board the saintly steamer, which 
for fifteen years has braved the wind and waves. of the 
Irish Sea. 

There were not many passengers in the cabin, for 
the trip being a short one, many contented them- 
selves with fun and frolic among the egg merchants, 
cow-jobbers, and pig drovers on deck. There was a 
retired sea captain who had been all over the world, 
and registered soundings in every sea between the 
poles, and who talked of Esquimaux villages and 
Madagascar monkeys, as you or I might talk of Goat 
Island or Capt. Scott's Coon. Close beside him 
sat a consumptive looking young gentleman, who 
quarrelled with him continually about opening the 
window. Then there were seven benevolent looking 
beings, four ladies and three gentlemen, belonging to 
the " educated class," who tenderly and confidingly 
exchanged papers at a round table, but it was easy to 
see that they did not meet there to sigh, ogle, and 
flirt and mix toes under the mahogany. Benevolence 
brought them there — a mutual anxiety for the welfare 
of mankind in general was the magnet which attracted 
together that little group. 

If some South Sea Islander had not been without a 
bible and a blanket, they would not have been there, 
but in all probability might have been found in some 
district of London or Limerick, hunting in vain for 
sopae hungry children with white skins. These, to- 
gether with two clergymen, who soon left for the deck 
to deliver a temperance lecture, constituted the entire 



Colonization Theory. 13 

company in tlie cabin. But few as we were in num- 
bers, we were in wind and bluster a wliole host. 

The seven persons at the table talked loudly over 
their laudable undertakings, and while endeavoring to 
open the window for fresh air, the Captain talked pro- 
digiously too. He declared that he had seen every 
phase of life between Kamschatka and Windsor Cas- 
tle, and that he unhesitatingly pronounced in favor of 
the modest and least polished. *' People," he continued, 
"who are unwilling to ivork have no right to the 
handling of money or to talk of helping other people 
with money they never earned," and with that he gave 
the cord attached to the window-pulley a haul that 
would brace a main staysail. 

The window flew up and the consumptive gentleman 
flew into a passion and pulled it down again, when 
the Captain, irritated beyond endurance, tilted his 
cane through the glass to the tune of thirteen and 
sixpence. Now, I have read somewhere, during my 
checkered career, the theory of " vegetable circles" 
and found that, according to it, the palm, as well as 
every other plant, has its prescribed " circle ;" and that 
even heaths and mosses, humble though they be, flour- 
ish within certain well defined boundaries. Nature, we 
are aware, has so unerringly ordered this arrangement, 
that we never think of looking for a fig tree^^in Iceland, 
or a pippin in Japan. Now this pretty theory is rich 
in advantages which might, with some propriety, be 
extended to the great human family circle. 

The crab and shrimp, decline to live on visiting 
terms with the more fastidious cod and dolphin, and 
even oysters have their ()wn circles, beds and pleasure 



1'4 Paddy Pungent. 

grounds, where they resent all intrusions of the 
" plebian " cockle. Then, why should we not he in- 
fluenced by the same wise laws of distribution — why 
not " colonize ?" the negro ; consistent Christians 
answer — " why ! But then — ^how provoking — if we 
did this good work we would have to look, with Chris- 
tian fortitude, at the other side of the picture. Lam - 
bert and a host of other thoughtless writers hint that 
man is a monkey of a larger growth, and that by per- 
secuting, exterminating and " colonizing " inferiors he 
has himself opened the ever widening " gap " which a 
certain courageous church champion in England is 
now proud to discover between monkeys and men. 
While acknowledging, however, that man, in his belief, 
may choose between wings and a caudal appendage, this 
very consistent champion of the English Church, as 
by law established, is careful to describe the " gap " as 
an " impassable gulf" over which a baboon can never 
stride to count kindred with a bishop. All good 
Christians, including those who would " colonize " the 
negro, believe in this churchman's theory, as " gos- 
pel truth," but while so believing why do they 
labor to prove Lambert & Co's opposing theory cor- 
rect, by persecuting even to extermination the inferiors 
in their midst. Good churchmen should be consistent. 
If they believe themselves to be men created after the 
" image and likeness " of the Creator, they should give 
some proofs of it occasionally, by refusing to extermi- 
nate by cruelty and injustice those, if we are to believe 
their own doctrine, also made after His image, or they 
should at once admit that we are monkeys of a larger 
growth, and that in order to satisfy our vanity and 



A Bould Fenian Boy. 15 

heal our wounded dignity, it is necessary to widen the 
inevitable " gap " — necessary to break up every link of 
the degrading chain. This distinguished church cham- 
pion and anti-Kepublican Ribald, whose name I would 
not immortalize, can talk glibly about the gap, but with 
all the unjust persecution and rapid extermination of 
inferior races before his pious eyes, he cannot for the 
life of him believe about the possibility of widening 
it. An ape is an ape, but with him man is an angel. 
Well, we are not saying that it is not so, but, 
after observing for some time his eyeglasses and 
antics in public places, we cannot help hinting (res- 
pectfully) our belief that he would look well with a 
caudal appendage. 

However, there is no doubt that a larjre share of 
our daily unhappiness arises from the constant and in- 
evitable contact of opposite dispositions. Had nature 
located my retired friend at the northern edge of the 
temperate zone, and sent the gentleman, who shivered 
through all his rugs and wrappers, to .bake in the 
tropics, the one might have enjoyed a reputation for 
courtesy and self-denial, and the other been saved the 
expenditure of thirteen and sixpence. 

A BOULD FENIAN BOY. 

Before the quarrel between the verbose captain and 
the consumptive young gentleman, was quite over, 
another and a more serious row, had occurred on deck. 
Here a bould Fenian boy, who declared that the tem- 
perance lecturers wished to make water reservoirs of 
men, kept swinging a stout " shillelagh," scientifically 
around his patriotic head, and declaring, how dear it is 



16 Paddy Tunge^vt. . 

to die for native land. " Dear, it is," cried he, " to die 
for native land," (as the latin poet has gracefully ex- 
pressed it in latin), " be mine that fate, and when I am 
buried beneath an Irish hill, with mj toes turned up J:p 
tJbe roots of the daisies,. the rmower shall spare the del- 
icate flowers, and the milkmaid shall sing a sweet song 
as she brushes the dew from them with her bonny bare 

feet, to the young hero who died for his native ." 

Here two English hirelings, against both of whom he 
battled vigorously for some time, unceremoniously put 
in an appearance, and at last brought him to terms and 
quieter quarters. The " St. Patrick," with two cros- 
ses, — ^one at the mast head and the other on the figure 
head, — couldn't save him. 

Day was just breaking, as we entered the lovely Bay 
of Dublin, and as we beheld, for the first time, through 
a semi-transparent Irish mist, the semi-circle of blue 
set in the greenest of shores, the naked stately old hills, 
which hem it in and the pretty villages and villas, which 
.ornament their sloping sides, we could forgive the fair- 
ies for lingering a little — just a little — longer in Ire- 
land than in any other land. As soon as I had set 
foot on my native sod, I could have fallen on my knees, 
but a bull-beaten wharf, not being exactly the place 
for such a demonstration, I hailed a car and requested 
the driver to " rowl " me to Shelborn's hotel, Stephen's 
Green. Here we found everything ready for our re- 
ception and the good host, without a cloud upon his brow 
to disturb the usual serenity of his humorous Irish face, 
received us in the genuine Cead Meilla Fealthie, style. 
Formerly holaing the responsible position of porter at 
a first class hotel in New Orleans, my friend, by his 



Duhlin City. 11 

genuine good nature and punctual attention to busi- 
ness, contrived to accumulate a sum of money, suffi- 
cient to enable liim to return liome, and transfer ]iim- 
self from the grub-like condition of porter, to the but- 
ter-fly condition of land-lord. And now having, not- 
withstanding his habitual activity, amassed a tolera- 
ble amount of flesh, as well as specie, we find him the 
burly, good natured and well-to-do landlord of the best 
hiOtel in Dublin. Dublin at this time, was fairly 
swarming, with touristr^with British " blood and cul- 
ture,"— Counts from the Continent, and beauty from 
the bogs. dear ! suph a luxury of lights and shades, 
-T-such elegant eye-glasses, and such brilliant dresses. 
Careless democratic levelers on this side of the Duck 
pond, can form no idea of the brilliancy of such a world 
of fashion. Could they observe, if only for a single 
day, the scraping and the swaggering and the dexter- 
ity, with which these glorious inevitable eyeglasses, 
can be brought to. bear on a shrinking plebian ; the 
g.]?ace with which they can be held in proper position, 
by a dignified movement of the muscles of the face and 
the piercing glances, which they direct-^could I repeat 
Americail territorial democrats, (the words are r^ot 
raine, but I like the ring of them) see all these fine 
things and, observe at the same time, the ladies reliev- 
ing their dresses on coming to a crossing — robserve the 
-petulant curve of the delicate wrist, an,'d the angle at 
which it holds the dress,— evidently the.re is a purpose 
in the act, altogether independent of the ostensiole one 
of relieving a dress, — they would, without a nipment's 
hesitation, come out in favor of the introduction of the 
*' orders " into Mexico, at least. After strollipg around 



18 Paddy Pungent. 

through this world of fashion for a few days, it began 
to lose its romance from want, not of variety, for Grod 
knows a man will not have to go far in Dublin, to see 
life in all its phases ; but, from want, I suppose of a 
proper appreciation on my part. Well, after resting for 
a few days, and consulting with my kind host, I bought 
•* Block's Pictorial Tourist," and started out to see the 
sights in real earnest. On the second morning after 
my consultation and purchase, I found myself at the 
foot of Sackville street, with my guide book, " biled " 
shirt, shuttle-toed boots, and a neat fitting " four and 
nine," [stove pipe Americano) ; ail ready for a prome- 
nade through Petticoat Lane and other classic portions 
of the Irish Capital. Sackville street, is the broadway 
of Dublin ; the street for the better class shops, for 
amusements, for loungers and for loafers. It is a very 
wide and a very clean street, by far the nicest and the 
best street in the British Isles. 

The morning being clear and fine, I walked leisurely 
up to the safely railed summit of Nelson's Pillar, a fine 
flui ted column, 121 feet high, which stands in the cen- 
tre of the street, near the post office. From this point 
I obtained an extensive and most delightful view of the 
entire city, bay and surrounding country, from the 
mountains of Mourne, in the county of Down on the 
north, to the Wicklow mountains on the south. To 
the west, lay the plains of " Sweet Kildare," and rebel- 
lious Meath, wth the lovely bay and a wide expanse of 
sea, to the east — the v/hole forming as lovely a panor- 
ama, as I ever saw in my life. 

Curiosity then led me into some of the primevally 
old parts of the city, where things look curious and 



Petticoat Lane 19 

quaint enough, indeed. Everybody knows that Ire- 
land's flag is torn in a thousand flitties, and that her ab- 
beys and castles are in ruins, but, without visiting 
Petticoat Lane, one could not be made to believe, that 
Dublin deals so extensively in the rags, the mouldiness, 
and the rust. But, besides Petticoat Lane, there are at 
least, seven other streets and lanes, in which nothing 
but old clothes, old blankets, and old boots, is to be 
seen. Here, from early morning till late at night, all 
these articles, with more, terrible and awful, may be 
seen suspended from nails, from poles, and from gar- 
ret windows, forming as curious a canopy, as one could 
wish to walk beneath. And there beside them, stands 
the anxious vendor, ever on the alert to bid you the 
time o' day, and open a trade, if it should be only for 
a weather beaten old hat, a demoralized pair of panta- 
letts, or a half worn hoopskirt. Multitudes of sickly 
plants and clustering shrubs, endeavor to live in the 
jungle beneath the shade of stately trees, which 
monopolize all the sunshine ; but, here among the haunts 
of men, in dreary, damp and sunless streets, the struggle 
for existence, is still more severe, and still more apparent. 
People who have been raised in the prosperous cities, 
or fertile vallies of America, surrounded from infancy, 
with at least all the necessaries of life, cannot conceive 
of the Wretchedness and misery, to be met with in all 
great European cities. After passing through this rag- 
market, broader and cleaner streets are again met with 
where the shops are not only tastefully, but elegantly 
decorated, and where things suddenly assume another 
appearance, — an appearance as peculiar to the Irish 
capital, as the rag market. 



20 Paddy Pungent. 

I now allude to tke monster skops of Dublin, whicli 
for variety and neatness in their internal arrangements 
have no parallel in any other part of the world. 

Occupying an entire block, one of them will present 
to the; jpjE^^s,er-by from twelve to twenty-five enormous 
two-story show-windows, through which thousands of 
articles that are. never, found in such conjunction else-: 
where, meet the: eye. ...The first window will make 
you believe that you are standing in front of an uphol- 
s.terers, The second exhibits to you the handiwork of 
th^, shoemaker— from fh.Q Lilliputian child's shoe and 
the dainty ladies' slipper, up to the high-heeled knee- 
protecting hunting boot. The third is prepared to 
bestow upon the ladies various loveable and dainty 
things— Prussian bonnets, ball dresses, girdles, hoop- 
S;kirtSj, veils, and sweet-scented soap. The other win- 
dows epntain in a motley row all that is necessary, 
useful, or agreeable in , life,, everything, as; they say, 
from a needle to an anchor. I?ew things could better 
illustrate the changing wants, joys and sorrows of 
human, life, than do the half -score show; windows of a 
Dublin monster shop, fpr the last cmB, in th^ .tqw is 
draped in b^aqk, .reminding us that care can ,]De,:t'aken 
for the last sad sorrowing rite of poor weak humanity. 
Of these great shops there are now six in Dublin, and 
one, of them alone gives — I am told — -constant employ- 
ment to four Iwndred persons, while all of them are 
welji patronized by the public. , The long rows lOif ^ p^y- 
riages, and-crowds of customers that sometimes throng 
the streets in front of them during business hours, go 
a great Avays to make street life in Dujblin lively. My 
walk next led me into Britain street, where a gloomy 



PJicBnix Park. 21 

looking (building with high walls and watchful turrets 
reminded me that I was in front . of Newgate prison, 
where in "Ninety Eight," the brave Lord Edward 
Fitzgerald breatlied his last, and where. in the same 
year many others were executed for *' high treason." 
Not wishing to remain long in the neighborhood of the 
sad spot, I wandered carelessly along Barrack street. 
and soon, found myself at the entrance of the famous 
Phoenix Park. Here we encountered a few car 
drivers who were all in turn anxious to *^' rowl "us 
around the Park for " sixpence, Sir."" 

^e took the advice of one of them to "jump tip 
Sir," and before we had gone far he pointed out to us 
the palatial residence of the Lord Lieutenant, on our 
right, and the Wellington Monument, a gigantic quad- 
rangular obelisk on the plain below us on the left. 
This Phoenix Park can only be called a park figure - 
atively, for with the exception of the Zoological Gar- 
dens and a few picturesque clumps of old hawthorn 
trees, there are no park-like arrangements about it. 

We drove past a large flock of sheep, and along the 
green banks of the Liffey, without meeting from we 
left the main entrance, a "mother's soul," but a soldier 
and his sweetheart, a, priest and two policeman. Dub- 
lin can produce more soldiers and soul-savers than any 
other city of the same size in the universe, an^d while 
saying so I would add my belief that there would 
be less need for tli^ 'former "if the latter could be 
shipped out of the country. Owing to their natural 
light-heartedness, and generous respect for fair play, 
there are no people on the face of the eiarth that could 
be goterned so easily as the Iri^h, if they" had 6nly 



22 Paddy Pungent. 

education and a few liberal and enlightened leaders — 
leaders that could rise themselves above the vulgar 
level of sectarian bigotrj. But with the wicked and 
pernicious training to which they have yielded only 
too far, on the one side, and English ** fair play," on 
the other, there would seem to be no salvation for 
them. Degraded, duped and divided into two hostile 
camps by political knaves and religious charlatans it is 
—not themselves that are there at all, at all. Every 
building worth looking at may, at sight, be safely con- 
nected either with the military or the clergy. In 
every nook and corner of the city stand churches 
which have been built at an expense truly marvelous* 
when contrasted with the poverty stricken appearance 
of the country, while right in the centre of this public 
park, not to mention those found in other places, are 
scattered promiscuously about, magazines, barracks 
and military hospitals, all built at an enormous outlay. 
If then, to these we add what has been expended on 
imposing testimonials to " distinguished '* dead men, 
we can form a slight idea of what it has cost Irishmen 
to preserve the peace and the *' faith of their fathers," 
side by side. It is a consolation however, to know 
that common sense will sooner or later make itself felt 
in the affairs of men. Returning to the city we drove 
along the quays, by what ought to be a boat-laden 
river, but there, alas, everything looks tame and unin- 
teresting enough. On an average, three Newcastle 
coal tubs and two channel steamers, represent the 
shipping of the second city, in point of population, in 
the British Empire. How sad ! 

On the day following, I visited the Bank of Ireland, 



Dean Swift. 23 

interesting only from having been once the Irish Par- 
liament House, Trinity College and St. Patrick's 
Cathedral, but it was only around the latter that I 
felt like lingering a little while. A longing to enjoy 
a moment's solitude, combined with an inclination to 
view something with which the renowned Dean Swift 
had been connected, led me towards the venerable pile. 
For it is the spot in which the truly admirable Dean 
spent the remains of his days in solitude, after his 
star had set with Stella. During his early connection 
with St. Patrick's, many witticisms are attributed to 
him, one of which, although not one of his best by 
any means, I cannot avoid relating, as it is so charac- 
teristic not only of the man, but also of the times in 
which he lived. 

The Cathedral had fallen into decay, and needed re- 
pairs very much. A deputation from the congregation 
waited on his Deanship^ to tell him about it, and ask 
his advice. 

His prompt reply to them was, "repair it." 
The deputation observed that those who were able 
would not advance the necessary funds. 

" Well" said Swift, in his usual quaint way, *' give 
it back to the Papists and they'll repair it." 

To this proposition the delegation objected in lan- 
guage that could not be mistaken, maintaining that 
the church should not, if they knew themselves, be 
again given into the the hands of the Catholics. 

"Oh," said the Dean sarcastically, when he saw 
them about to lose their patience, "when they repair 
it you can take it from them again." The deputation 
it is said left satisfied. The present building is a 



'2'4 Paddy Pungent. 

chicirorm, consisting of nave, transepts, choir and lady 
chapel, and having been restored recently to its former 
beauty and grandeur, by the princely munificence of a 
i^rivate citizen, St. Patrick's is now what it was wont 
to fee in days long p^st, ' an ornament to the city 
of Dublin. But we riitist return to the witty l)eah. 
When he was first appointed to the Deanery of 
St. Patrick's he seemed to be very ill at ease, and 
looking on his canonicals as fetters, and the Deanery 
as a prison, he yearned for congenial society. 

He threw open his hous6 to visitors, and proclaimed 
himself "■ the poorest gentleman in Ireland, that ate 
upon plate, and the richest that lived without a coach." 
It was aboiit this time, that he married the beloved, but 
sufPering Stella, yet the matter was kept seferet. ^'TMy 
continued to live in different houses, until she at length 
died a victim, to the man to whom she was devotedly 
attached. A few days ago, I saw in the picture gal- 
lery of Howth castle, a full length likeness of the man 
who wronged Stella, So ci*ti611y. He is represented as 
holding in his hand "The Drapers First Letter to the 
Whole People of Ireland," in which famous pamphlet 
Swift openly advocated the independence of Ireland. 
To-day I stood opposite his bust in Trinity College. 
''His^eountenande* is •b'perij full, powerful; ajlis strflngth 
enjoyinent and penetration ; while an unspoken word 
of sovereign contempt and ^ride, plays around his ele- 
gant lips. It seemed to me as truly, the bust of a man 
'''W%o could wrong even a 'Stella, and terroMie the 
•Court;, tik Torf Ministry, aild all Lsbhdoiij for a^teifm. 
■ '^h'ile "v^i&itibg the tc>mb of 0''Connell, in Grlasnevin 
' Mryi%g g^r(lun€, iJ" could' not return withoht' visiting 



Tom Moore. 25 

Delville, the former residence of Dr. Delany, the friend 
and companion of Dean Swift, in whose house Stella 
long resided. Delville, has been commemorated in 
verse, by Swift, and the little church yard over the way 
yet contains memorials of him and his. On approach- 
ing the villa, a young and very beautiful lady, who 
busied herself in arranging flower pots on the margin 
of the path, told me, in answer to my inquiry, if the 
path was the same that the living Stella once trod ] 
that it was, and that she would be my guide through 
the ground, consecrated to the sweet martyrdom of love ; 
and here, in justice, to the young lady, I will say, 
that she performed her promise, most agreeably. In 
the green church yard, a little temple stands around 
the gravel Avalks, inscribed with the motto " Fastigia 
despicit urbis," and opposite the entrance is a medal- 
ion of Stella, injured and worn by time. It reminded 
me of the beautiful and beloved Stella, but it did 
not tell me Stella's secret. Well, no matter, whatever 
it may have been, the Dean of St. Patrick's and the 
fair Stella, have been united long ago ; the grave ])as 
joined them and their dust has commingled in its 
union. Peace to their memory. The one was a magni- 
ficent soul, warped and driven from its greatest purpose 
by unyielding circumstances, the other was a true 
woman, very fair, loving much and sorrowing greatly. 
On leaving the Cathedral we drove around the 
castle of Dublin, and through College Green. In the 
centre of the Green, and right opposite the far-famed 
Trinity College, stands a statue of George III on 
horseback, and mounted on a pedestal. With a firm 
hand he seems to guide his brazen steed, and w'V 
2 



26 Paddy Pungent. 

muscular limbs he maintains his seat — a sturdy 
wight I ween, but an eyesore to the Catholics of 
Dublin. On the north side of the College, at the cor- 
ner of Westmoreland and College streets, stands the 
statue of another prince — a prince of song, whose 
laurels are not blood-stained. 

THOMAS MOOEE, 

The man who with his little delicate songs effected 
more, both politically and morally, tor his country, 
than all the loud-mouthed leaders and agitators of the 
present generation have done with all their bold words 
and bloody weapons. Every child in Dublin can 
show you where Tom Moore was born. On the corner 
of Angier street and a narrow alley stands a curious 
quaint looking old house in which Tom Farrel now 
retails soap, salt, sugar, and rosin. In this odd look- 
ing old house, too high for one story, and two low for 
two, was born on the 28th of May, 1778, as the figures 
on the marble slab over the door inform us, the Bard 
of Erin. 

As Mr. Farrel is licensed also for spirits and ale, 
he has not the slightest objection to strangers visiting 
his classical grocery, so our driver unceremoniously 
stopped in front of the unpretending little house. The 
conditions for the privilege of visiting the room in 
which the bard first saw the light, being very reason- 
able, namely, a " pint of porther," they were of course 
promptly complied with, and when informed after- 
wards, that none but native cut corks were drawn in 
the establishment, we were patriotic enough to order 
another pot. This being the only branch of native 



jaunting Cars, 27 

industiy that Irishmen at present appear anxious to 
protect, but still a step in the right direction, how 
could we do otherwise than encourage the pat- 
riotic idea by drawing another native cut cork. 

By the time that I had made myself familiar with all 
the ^curiosities of the Irish Capital, the Spring, the 
merry, joyous Spring, the season of sunshine and flow- 
ers, had fairly set in, and as in days of yore I yearned 
for the free air of the mountain and the meadow. I had 
wandered long enough through a brick and mortar 
wilderness, and the old inclination to loiter on the 
banks of babbling streams, where shy daisies and 
primroses, moist and pale, are wont to bow their tiny 
heads to the breeze, began to exert its influence as our 
thoughts retraced the devious course of many a brawl- 
ing stream, back to meadow and dell where in boy- 
hood's days I listened with attentive ear, to the goat- 
like bleat of the mire snipe's wing, to the soft lowing 
of the cattle and to the milkmaid's song. Having made 
up my mind to visit the site of the Seven Churches in 
the vale of Glendalough, I had only to consult my ever 
thougtful host, as to the best route and mode of con- 
veyance. Irish railroads, are at best, only ill-man- 
aged monopolies, and the train, besides,_although almost 
certain to run away from one, when in a hurry, never 
stops when a body wants it. Under the circumstances, 
the landlord thought, a jingling Irish jaunting car ought 
to have the preference, for at least, a part of the way. 
So, one was immediately sent for, and the driver, Mr. 
Doolan, we will, for sake of antiquity, call him, was 
ordered to pack away my portmanteau in the " well " 
of the car, while the energetic landlord thrust myself 



28 Paddy Pungent. 

into the seat on the " thumb hand side," as he said, 
without even paying my bill, which he knew would be 
duly honored and much more to his personal advan- 
tage, than, if the account had been deliberately settled, 
and scrutinized before the moment of my departure. 
Lady Morgan has not inaptly described Dublin, as 
** the most car drivingest city in the universe," and 
there is', perhaps, no other portions of it, in which the 
character of its Jehus or Larry Doolan's, can be better 
studied, than in the immediate neighborhood of Carlisle 
bridge. The unsophisticated stranger, who may chance 
to find himself, for the first time, at the foot of Sackville 
street, cannot fail to be amazed at the commotion, not 
to say sensation, which his appearance is certain to 
create among the knights of the whip, who, when dis- 
engaged here, range their vehicles on what are technic- 
ally known as the "hazards." The position and pur- 
suits of these worthies when idle, are manifold. Some 
kill time, by the aid of the inevitable pipe,, others 
lounge *' in meditation fancy free," while, perhaps, a 
few endeavor to acq^uire a knowledge of the news of 
the world, from some magazine or newspaper. However, 
this latter employment is a pursuit of knowledge under 
difiiculties for the " castle " magnates, have expressed 
thier unqualified disapproval of the habit. This severe 
ruling of the authorities, is not, I should say, altogether 
owing to the dangerous nature of the occupation with 
regard to accidents merely, but, seeing that the Doolans 
whether pick, drill or car drivers, will be democrats, 
they prefer having them straight, without any 
educational mixture, whatever. Li that condition, they 
will be less liable to break things. Democrats, in any 



The Car Drivers. 29 

country should never undertake to do their own think- 
ing or reading, lest they wrest things to their own (or 
other people's) '' destruction." But, no matter whether 
the Dublin representatives of the Sam Weller school 
be seated, standing, smoking, reading or jeering each 
other, (the idea of their ever sacrificing at the alter of 
Bacchus, is an absurdity,) the advent of a pedestrian, 
as if by magic, inverts the order of things. No crack 
company, could excel them in the rapidity, with which 
they come to the "attention." These Irish jaunting cars,, 
are an institution in Dublin, and although they are the 
rudest specimens of a vehicle to be found anywhere, 
seated on one of them, with a pretty bright eyed Irish 
girl, squeezed in beside you — with the *' hand next her 
heart," grasping the iron rail behind you, while with 
the other, she nervously clutches your coat collar at 
every spring, her pretty little feet peeping over the 
foot board the while, — one can jump up and down, as 
often as he wishes to, — and often when he don't wish 
to — and enjoy, perhaps, the wild vagabondish ride in 
the open air. 




CHAPTER 11. 

Departure from Duhlin- Beautiful Scenery— A funeral 
Party. — A Singular Ceremony. — The Wicklow 
Mountains. — The '' Dargle.'" — A Wicklow Damsel 
and her Donkey. — Irish Hospitality. — The DeviVs 
Glen. — Glendalough. — The Guides. — A Model 
Waiter. — St. Kevin. — St. Kevin and the Loving 
Kathleen. — St. Kevin's Bed.- — The Seven Churches, 
—Irish Ballad Singers. — -The Return to Dublin. 

We made an early start, and the driver pushed on 
through Ring's End, Irishtown, and Sandy Mount, 
stopping only for a few seconds at Irishtown, to take 
a " shine," as he termed it, out of a young fish-girl, who 
invited us to inspect some cheap prongs, (crabs) which 
she assured us were " crawling in the creel ;" but Mr. 
Doolan didn't shine long. The glib-tongued young 
crab-vender soon gave him a broadside, which caused 
him to retreat in good order. The fish- wives of Irish- 
town, like those of the Claddagh, at Limerick, are curi- 
osities in themselves. One may look into their bas- 
kets almost at anytime, and even venture to ask the 
price of the prettiest of the finny tribe found in their 
possession, but unless you are ready to buy or fight, 
you should never object to the price, handle them, or 
find fault with them in any way, for very little " privi- 
cation," makes them open their vituperative batteries 
and then woe be to any one that is unfortunate enough 



A Funeral Parti/. 31 

to come within range. The simplest looking one 
among them could beat a Philadelphia lawyer single 
handed, still the " Immortal Dan " could van- 
quish the biggest of them. Well to be sure to call a 
decent, honest fishwoman a heptagon, a hexagon, a 
hjpothenuse, a perpendicular in petticoats, and all 
them kind of horrible names, was enough certainly to 
knock the wind out of her, and make her lose her pa- 
tience, and of course the intellectual combat at the 
same time. 

As we approached the shore line the breeze 
became fresher and the view opener at every step. 
To the left lay the beautiful bay, and to the 
right rose, bald and bare, the Wicklow range, while 
immediately in front of us the pleasant undulating 
hills were dotted with pretty villages and villas— and 
all the prettier for being partially shaded with trees. 
There is no city in the British Isles that can exhibit 
around it such a variety of picturesq^ue beauties as 
Dublin. There is the spacious bay with every variety 
of coast, from the pleasant sandy beach, to the bluff 
sea promontary ; the wooded valley with its limpid 
river, the lonely mountain glen with its cataracts and 
tiny trout streams, the gay watering place and the 
rural village — in short there is no class of scenery 
which the poet, the painter, or the mere man of pleas- 
ure could desire, that could not be reached in a few 
hours drive from any part of Dublin. 

Black rock, famous for bathing places and funeral 
parties, was reached in due time — in time just to see 
one of the funeral ceremonies which have made the 
town notorious. In the centre of the village stands 



32 Paddy Pungent. 

an ancient stone cross, a faithful representative of the 
fears, faith and traditions of a pious people. It is 
mounted on a moss-covered mound, and around tliis 
time-honored hillock the corpse must he carried three 
times, while the funeral party, chanting the while the 
De Profundus, moves slowly after it. It is said and 
firmly believed, that any person thus devoutly carried 
around the sacred stone after death, providing that 
they have died "within the pale of the church," will 
never suffer the pains of purgatory, hut will go di- 
rectly to Heaven. This grave, yet singular proceed- 
ing is witnessed frequently as often as three times in a 
single day, within a few miles of the second city in 
the British Empire. However, we have no fault to 
find. A pious and an imaginative people believe' that 
it is a righteous and a soul-saving cer^^mony, and 
after all they may not be much more in error than 
other and more enlightened theorists. 

Christianity is certainly not more consistently 
taught now than it was in the days of stone crosses 
and saintly springs. The primitive Christians never 
bothered their brains about great organs and gigantic 
churches, nor did they ever pretend to have power to 
" pluck up, scatter, ruin, plant and build." They 
lived we are told, very modestly — so modestly indeed 
that no modern Christian can be found to follow their 
example. The good Bishop of Capetown promised in- 
deed a short time ago that he would fly to the deserts 
and the forests, and live after the manner of the primi- 
tive Christians, should the law lords of England make 
an " unrighteous " decision in the case between him 
and Dr. Colenzo. 



Christian Contemplations. 33 

"Well, their lordships gave, as is well knoTrn, a de- 
cision quite contrary to the righteous judgment of the 
good Dr. G-ray, but still Dr. Gray has declined to 
stick to his promise. He forgot to change his good 
living at the Cape of Good Hope, for a Christian 
cavern on the coast of Africa, and he evidently believes 
novr that a man has no right to make a martyr of him- 
self. 

I once thought that purely impotent spite could go 
no further than when poor old Pope Pius IX solemnly 
excommunicated the King of Italy. But to see an 
addle-pated old sinner, whose " spiritual sway " ex- 
tended over a few negroes and about fifty white men, 
taking it upon himself to pronounce the judgment of 
God was something still more absurd. 

Ridiculous as the Pope then made himself it can- 
not be denied that he sat in the chair of Hildebrand, 
and the harmless pop-gun which he held in his hand 
was in shape not unlike what had once been a thun- 
derbolt, but the utter absurdity of " Robert of Cape- 
town's " solemn excommunication of Bishop Colenzo, 
cannot be so soon forgotten. Let us however, gratefully 
enjoy our kings and our bishops, and pleasantly repeat 
as if it were true, the exploded nonsense of by-gone 
ages, and then laugh at the Egyptian for scratching 
the rich soil of his country with the rude tools of five 
thousand years ago. 

We kept up our Christian contemplations until Mr. 
Doolan halted in front of the Royal Hotel, Kino-ston. 
Here we gave him his discharge, and prepared to take 
the evening train for Bray, a pleasant little town and 
popular watering place on the line between the coun- 
2* 



34 Paddy Pungent. 

ties of Wicklow and Dublin. Like Kingstown, Bray- 
is a sort of suburban retreat for the well-to-do citizens 
of Dublin. In order to make an excursion into the 
Wicklow Mountain districts, we abandoned the train 
at " Bray the splendid," and remained all night in the 
village hotel. After a substantial breakfast next 
morning, we sallied forth with the intention of seeing 
both the Dargle, and the Devil's Glen, and making 
Laragh in the vale of Glendalough, before night. The 
road at first ran through a thick alley of beeches 
whose quivering leaves fanned us gently with the pure 
morning air. Then, fertile fields, green meadows, and 
many happy looking homesteads, burst into view, be- 
yond which, and still higher up, steep, heath-clad hills 
appeared in picturesque groupings. 

The county of Wicklow is the California of Ireland. 
Here is the dark green wood with its stately trees and 
clustering shrubs, and here the hills and rocks, " eter- 
nal piled," feed innumerable noisy streamlets which 
on their way to the ever green valleys below, unite by 
twos and by threes in the formation of brawling water- 
falls. There in the vales below, some noble rivulets 
mingle their waters, and send them on murmuring to 
the sea, and there on their banks stand the church, 
the chapel, and the school house. Here in short, is 
California on a small scale, a country in which every 
possible charm that nature can bestow is united for 
the comfort and amusement of man. 

We entered the Dargle, at the lower end and traveled 
through the gloomy ravine to the " Lovers Leap," at 
its head. This Dargle is an exceedingly narrow, and 
sombre mountain glen, walled in by precipitous rocks, 



Wicklow County, " 35 

which range from 400 to 500 feet in height. These 
combinations of jagged and perpendicular rocks, are 
clothed from base to summit, with native " wood bine^" 
shrubs and fern of every form and tint, while far below 
the clear stream, dances merrily, among the holders to 
the music of a colony of little birds among the bows. 
A wicklow rebel could not wish for a safer hiding place. 
We could have spent the entire spring day in the shady 
retreat, while thinking and reading about Arrah na 
Pogue, and Shaun the Post. We joined our car, at 
Lough Bray cottage, and now everything suddenly 
changed. The lovely fairy land, the green fields and 
the waving forest, were fast disappearing, while before 
us lay a wild uninhabited region of mountains and 
moor. 

The road, however, was broad and good, and the 
driver plied the whip industriously, now and then 
stopping to point out to me over its handle, some soli- 
tary mountain peak, ruined castle, or enchanted lake, 
about all of which, many a good story might be told. 
During the heat of the day, some fine cattle loitered 
around the streams in the valleys ; and the herd with 
his dog and gun, sat on the hill side under a black- 
berry bush, which offered him its scanty shade. 

So is it to-day, nearly all over Ireland, — a solitary 
herd may only be seen where, a few years ago, one 
might hear amid the busy hum of human voices ; the 
pleasant joke and cheerful song in concert with the 
lively whir of the spinning wheel. The tune, alas ! is 
turned ; the land is " laid down " to grass. To hell ! 
with men and their muscles, since an ox, worth twenty 
sterling pounds, will thrive on the ground, where three 
featherless bipeds would only starve. 



36 Paddy Pungent. 

This, is now the tune of the men, who, in concert 
with their English brethren, would bewail the fate of a 
well fed heathen, at the source of the Nile, — The men 
who, in London as well as in Limerick, control coro- 
ners' juries, to invariably return the verdict of " Died of 
exhaustion ;" when in plain English, one of their unfor- 
tunate neighbors die of hunger. — The men, who, in hir- 
ing a servant for the " big house," take into considera- 
tion, what one among the numerous applicants, that 
seek the honor of keeping their dirty carcasses clear of 
an insufferable stink, might turn out the sturdiest 
bang-beggar. — The men, in whose beggar-hunting 
performances, there can be nothing — absolutely nothing 
— remarkable, except, perhaps, the degradation of that 
noble animal, the dog, to a level with his more brutal 
master. 

Turning towards the ruins of castle Kevin, the 
stronghold of the warlike O'Byrnes and O'Taoles 
of Wicklow, we overtook on the way, a plump, good 
looking young Wicklow girl. She was seated behind 
a pair of harthogSf (willow basket) on the back of a 
heavily loaded donkey, and as her feet dangled, with the 
weight of her well nailed buskins: far below the 
donkey's belly, she told me, with a confused smile, 
that it was a " fine day sir." And then she invited me 
to go home with ber, and in order to seduce me along, 
she solemnly assured me, that her big brother would, 
" and a thousand welcomes," go down with me to the 
Devil's Glen. Well, I at length consented to accom- 
pany her, to her home among another pile of ruins on 
the plain. Here, an active old woman helped her to 
take down the harthogs from the back of the gentle 
donkey^ which, when fairly released, announced its 



IrisJi Hospitality. 37 

satisfaction by a social, or haw, and then, rolling reck- 
lessly on the dungheap, it started in to catch flies with 
its feet. 

" Mother," exclaimed the young girl, after the 
donkey had been driven away, " sure an' here's a 
stranger 1 brought you ! ♦' Well, a cushla," replied 
the kindly old creature, '' sure, an' he's welcome any- 
way. Tell the gintleman to come in, can't ye ?" and 
rushing inside herself, she whispered to her son, a 
rather sober looking young man, " Michael, see, here's 
a strange gintleman coming in.^-get up dear, an' give 
him the good chair." 

Michael came to a perpendicular in a hurry, and 
handing me the best chair in the cabin with both hands, 
he modestly invited me to be seated. The old lady 
jumped around, and wiping the seat of the chair with 
SiprasJcin (coarse apron), she too invited me to sit down. 
And in a very short time, she had at my service, a 
course towel, some soap and plenty of hot water. In 
due time, the potatoes for the dinner, which, as she 
took good care to inform me, would not stand a " boil 
in the pot," were turned out upon the lusset, (a willow 
basket with wooden sides, used instead of a table) when 
the old lady essayed to present me with a big " laugh- 
ing " one. Hot and all as it was, into my hand she 
would have me take it ; but, after assuring her, that I 
was in a hurry, and not hungry, I modestly declined 
the laughing present from the lusset, and prepared to 
leave. It was no go, however. Both Michael and his 
mother, took right hold of me and while the one swore, 
" by all the birds in the wood," the other pledged the 
*' powers of Moll Kelly," that " I should not go out of 



38 Paddy Pungent. 

their house, on that blessed day, without atin' some- 
thing." 

" Go '" exclaimed the old weman indignantlj-, 

•' Divil a out or out of this house ye'Il go, not the 
length of yer big toe, now, till ye ate that laughin' 
priddy, an' that boiled egg, so ye won't now, so 
there's for ye now," and with that she placed before 
me on a clean trincher, (a wooden plate,) a spoon, the 
Q-^^i the potato and some salt. Seeing that she had 
gone to the trouble of boiling an egg for me, and that 
my coat was in danger of being demoralized, I sur- 
rendered at discretion. 

There is no country on the face of the earth in 
which so much respect and attention is paid to the 
traveling stranger as in Ireland. Next to the 
claims of the priest and his own family, and often 
before either, come those of the stranger, for the 
respect of the Irish peasant. For often when he 
can barely secure ** priddies an' dab at the stool " for 
his own poor family, he will make a struggle to pro- 
cure something " tasty," for the stranger. Dinner 
over, Michael accompanied me down to the Devil's 
Glen, and on the way he pointed out to me the school- 
house and the Catholic chapel, in which mass is said 
every Sunday morning, " thank God." 

At length reaching me his hand, into which I 
dropped a small specimen of California gold, Michael 
bid me an affectionate farewell. 

After traveling for some time, I next came to a 
cabin grocery shop, on the side of Anamoe Hill. 
A pretty young girl, of an age about sweet six- 
teen, stood in the door, but as I approached, she 



GlendalougJi. 39 

timidly disappeared. I saw at a glance that she 
was a sort of wild beauty, as lovely and timid, as 
she was dirty and ragged. Her mother, who, as 
the sign-board over the door informed me, is " licensed 
to sell tea, tobacco, and snuff," met me at the 
door, and with the usual salutation, *' God save 
you Sir," invited me in. On entering I found that 
her wild, dirty-legged daughter had actually hidden 
herself, but as the girslia had only swung herself 
gracefully around a meal bag, and now and then 
peeped out coquetishly from behind it, I had an op- 
portunity to threaten to catch and kiss her. Resting 
her hands on her sides, the mother stood by and 
laughed heartily at me, and as she said, " the gameral 
of a girl that wouldn't stand up and spake to the day- 
cent gintleman." Our next stopping place was 
Laragh village, where we arrived about sunset, to find 
plenty of black-haired girls, with naked necks and 
feet, cracking jokes in the doorways, and talking 
away the twilight, in company with some bright look- 
ing holiils, whose pipes, with full steam up, perfumed 
the evening atmosphere, 

Laragh, in the vale of Glendalough— the vale of 
myths, miracles, and fables, — looks sober enough ; 
still, situate as it is, at the junction of three romantic 
fairy glens, it is not wanting in wild beauty. Here, 
as in almost every other Irish village, one may see the 
substantial Protestant church, and the unpretending 
Catholic chapel ; the luxuriant Protestant parsonage, 
and the quiet residence of the priest ; the gloomy bar- 
racks of the Cosmopolitan high policemen, and the 
big house, in which "his honor," the landlord, lives or 



40 Paddy Pungent. 

ought to live, all at a decent distance from the rude 
cabins of the common people. At the village hotel 
we had a substantial supper, after which, we again 
started out in company with three other tourists, to 
take a walk through the village. We had not gone 
far, before we found ourselves fairly surrounded by a 
crowd of willing guides, all seeking employment for 
the following day ; and conspicuous among the motley 
throng, appeared the broad, sunbarnt face of my 
friend, Miles Doyle, the honest father of the bashful 
beauty of Anamoe Hill, and the veteran guide of 
Glendalough. With a well-filled pipe in his mouth, 
and a stout shillelagh in his hand — there he stood be- 
fore us, like a monarch of the glen, in the midst of the 
common herd. His dress was, of course, suited to his 
buskiess, and of the pure national type — a coarse felt 
hat, heavy well-nailed brogues, gray woolen stockings, 
a frieze coat, and a pair of corduroy breeches, with 
two oval patches on that ill-starred spot, where, unless 
he has been more fortunate than the majority of Irish 
boys, his mother often practiced upon. Well, no mat- 
ter for all that, in his dark brown eyes, and broad 
countenance, one could see, besides a fair share of cun- 
ning, a good deal of honesty, native humor, and gen- 
erosity. Miles soon told me that all the Irish scholars 
and English tourists knew him, and patronized him ; 
but while satisfied that I had a "poet's head at any 
rate," he could not, for the life of him, tell to which 
class, I might belong. "Poet, indeed !" broke in a 
bystander, who, when he saw Miles in a fair way of 
gaining my confidence, ofi'ered to guide me through 
all the nooks and corners of Glendalough " free gratis 



The Guides. 41 

for, notliing." — ''Poet," said he, " tlie divil a bit of 
Hm, but an honorable gintleman, I'll warrant ye." 
However, when Miles, who did not by any means 
relish the intrusion, heard that my home was nearly 
nine thousand miles away, he shook the ashes from 
his pipe, grasped my hand exultiugly, and declared 
that I should not be taken short for a guide, so long as 
Miles Doyle could "mark the ground," or "put one 
foot past another." "Nine thousand miles," he re- 
peated with emphasis — " Holy Mother of Moses ! who 
ever h'ard o' the likes. Why man alive," he con- 
tinued, "I'd carry you on my back into St. Kevin's 
Bed itself, afore I'd see ye go away widout visitin' 
every nook an' corner of our glorious saycret glen." 

Well, after deciding that he should be our guide for 
the following day. Miles and I parted for the night on 
good terms. 

When we presented Miles Doyle to our little party 
at the breakfast table, next morning, as our guide for 
the day, the suggestion was not received very favora- 
bly, for the proprietor of the hotel had already pro- 
vided one, who, as we afterwards found out, gave him 
a per centage of his earnings. Miles, according to our 
accommodating host, was " a graceless vagabond," and 
a " poacher into the bargain ;" but, although the term 
" poacher," was put as a clincher, he had the unheard 
of humiliation of bringing out another plate, knife and 
fork, for Miles, the vagabond, who, with many a side 
glance of contempt, at both landlord and waiter, cozily 
enjoyed his breakfast. Soon after breakfast, a party 
of four — two ladies and two gentlemen — with their 
guide, were seen moving around the hill, on which 



42 • Paddy Pungent. 

stands the Old Round Tower. Here we saw, for the 
first time, the Lower Lake, and here the first miracle 
of St. Kevin, the patron saint of the valley, was told 
to ns.. A horse thief, named for short Grardaugh, came 
trotting around the lake on a handsome bay mare, 
about thirteen hundred years ago. St. Kevin, (Grod 
be good to him and merciful to us) meets him on the 
path, and says he to him, says he " who owes (owns) 
the horse, Gardaugh," " Faith an' it's not a horse, but 
a mare, an' it's my own four bones that owes her," says 
Grardaugh, " Och ! that tJia breagogk in isJi (Och ! 
that's a lie now) you thief of the worl' ye," said the 
saint, and there and then, on the impulse of the mo- 
ment, he gave the unshriven horse thief his purgato- 
rial passport. 

We soon reached the shore of the Upper Lake, and 
here, groups of dirty boys — I hate boys, because I 
was so long one myself — and giddy girls, with naked 
feet, gipsey-like gathered around us. The lake lay 
calm and placid before us, without a breath of air to 
rufile its surface, or stir a leaf of the scanty vegetation 
in the treeless vale. All was painfully quiet. Even 
the lark, that most cheerful of warblers, was missing, 
and every child in the glen could tell you why. 

When the Seven Churches were in progress of build- 
ing, the workmen took an oath to begin Avork with the 
song of the lark in the morning, and leave off daily 
with the lying down of the lamb in the evening, but 
the larks compelled the men to begin work long before 
the sleep was out of their eyes, and from over exertion 
many of them died. So to save the oaths of his men, 
and their lives at the same time, the good St. Kevin 



Kathleen and St. Kevin. 43 

prayed that no lark miglit ever be able to sing over tlie 
glen again. God, as the story goes, heard the Saint's 
prayer, and so no lark has ever been heard to sing 
over this vale for over thirteen hundred years, although 
within a gun-shot of the valley the larks flutter, flirt, 
and sing as sweetly as anywhere in Ireland. A strap- 
ping young fellow called Patsey was now seen running 
down the hill as fast as ever his heels could carry 
him, to man the boat which lay on its beam ends 
beside us, 

Patsey shoved the light skiff from the shore, and 
rowed us gently towards St. Kevin's Bed, while Miles 
amused us with the story of the loving, but unfortu- 
nate Kathleen. 

When a young man, maybe just out of his teens, 
St. Kevin was a very seductive and very impressive 
preacher, and his converts, particularly of the female 
'* persuasion," were counted by the score. At this time 
a very beautiful, and very impressionable young girl 
named Kathleen, became not only a convert to Chris- 
tianity, but fell passionately in love with the saintly 
teacher, and, promising to do penance for both, she 
besought him to allow her to see his shadow at least* 
and hear the echo—just the echo — of his sweet voice 
once in every twenty-four hours. But the saint 
«' couldn't see it." He was of too saintly a turn of 
mind to permit anything having the tendency to excite 
in him the passion which rules " the court, the camp, 
the grove," to remain near him — he, in a word, dare 
not encounter. Kathleen's enamored glances, and so 
like a very coward, he sought safety in flight. 



44: Paddy Pungent. 

'' 'Twas from Kathleen's eyes he flew. 
Eyes of most miholy blue ; 
She had loved him well and long, 
Wished him hers, nor thought it wrong. 
Wheresoe'er the Saint would fly, 
Still he found her light foot nigh ; 
East or west, where'er he turned, 
Still her eyes before him burned." 

At length the Saint came to Glendalough, and high 
up on the rock Lngduff, towards which Patsey is pull- 
ing, he found a home where human foot had never 
gone hefore. 

Yet even here, to his rocky bed chamber, the infat- 
uated maiden pursued him, and although the spot 
could only be reached at the risk of life, when he 
awoke one fine morning from a saintly slumber on his 
rocky couch, he found the blue eyes of Kathleen ten- 
derly fixed upon him. 

" Ah ! your saints have cruel hearts — 
Sternly from his bed he starts, 
And with rude repulsive shock, 
Hurls her from the beetling rock. 
Glendalough, thy gloomy wave, 
Soon was gentle Kathleen's grave. 
Soon the Saint (but ah too late), 
Felt her love and mourned her fate. 
And when he said " Heaven rest her soul," 
Round the lake light music stole. 
And her ghost was seen to glide. 
Smiling o'er the fatal tide." 

Poor thing, my heart's sore for her, but maybe after 
all she deserved it ; it is hard to tell, God knows. It 
is a serious thing to tempt a saint, so it is, for the crea 



The Seven Churches. 45 

tures cannot stop you know, to mingle pity with their 
piety. 

Nothing can be more grand and interesting, than 
the wild and sublime character of the scenery, around 
the Seven Churches of Glendalough. 

Their situation in the midst of the lonely mountains, 
and placed at the entrance of a glen, singularly deep 
and secluded, with two dark lakes winding far into 
gloom and solitariness, and over which dark vale, hang 
mountains of the most abrupt forms, in whose every 
fissure and gorge, there is a wild and romantic clothing 
of oak, birch, hazel and holly, makes them peculiarly 
interesting. But, even if they were not interesting 
from their position and grouping or from the grandeur 
of their separate parts, the association of ideas connected 
with them, would alone make them so. '' St. Kevin's 
kitchen," is now the most perfect of the seven churches. 
It is roofed with stone, and has a steeple at one end, 
which is a perfect miniature of the round towers of Ire- 
land. We stoped for sometime at Rhefeart or the king's 
grave. Here, several stone crosses, stone rings, twisted 
serpents and other interesting symbols of the primitive 
Christians' faith, may be found among the dust, to which 
they on turn are gradually crumbling. Whoever is 
buried in this grave yard, where, lie the remains of so 
many dead priests and princes of Ireland, and where 
St. Kevin himself, consecrated the earth, go directly to 
heaven, and whoever carries in his teeth, a certain 
blessed stone, which lies inside of the sacred enclosure, 
three times around the cemetery, without stopping, 
shall never suffer the pain of purgatory, nor the twangs 
of the toothache. Our path then, led down the hill to 



46 Faddy Pungent. 

where the, Lower lake again appeared in view, — the 
lake in which that last snake concealed itself, after St. 
Patrick had expelled all its playmates. 

The Story of this last snake, is too long, and it is 
besides thirteen hundred years old, — Griendalough 
guides will have nothing to do with any story of a 
later date. 

On returning to the hotel, I retired to my room, 
where, from the window I could take a fresh survey of 
all that I had visited during the day ; but, being some- 
what fatigued, I flung myself on a sofa, and was just 
falling into a sound sleep, when a pair of ballad singers 
below on the street, broke in on my slumber. The song 
being a new and popular one, and mixed with murder, 
I was of course, anxious to hear it. 

The singers were man and wife, and from the way 
that they chimed in with each other, at every turn of 
the tune, as well as from the series of satisfied glances 
Avhich they occasionally exchanged, it was easy to see 
that their connubial relations, were mutually agreeable. 

They sang as they walked and they walked as they 
sang ; because they knew full well, that the police 
would " pull " them, if they attempt to stand up to it, 
and collected a crowd. The wife, with true maternal 
affection, hugged a squalid baby to her naked breast, 
and cautiously walked b.ickwards, as sh^ mafle her 
clear voice ring through the village; and the husband, 
who, on turn, led a little three year old boy by the 
hand, followed closely, so that their voices might har- 
monize inside of the^big straw bonnet, which his indus- 
trious spouse allowed to project at least, a clear foot in 
front of her face. Every country has its gipsies. Like 



Ballad Singers. 47 

tlie black crow, they are citizens of every clime, — lords 
in every land, — lords of the villages, tlie woods and 
the way sides ; but, above all other gipsies, 1 believe 
Irish ballad singers, are most anxious to propagate 
their species, and their songs. 

Some of these Irish songs, out of the composition, 
printing, and sale of which, thousands make a living, 
are of the " sintimintal " order, some comic, and some 
satirical. The latter are generally aimed at his honor, 
the landlord, for you know it does one's heart good, 
to hear him get it '' hot an' heavy," because of a sar- 
tinty for sure, we would all like to be polite towards 
kind landlords, and leave them at least, four bare walls 
for the rent. 

" Ha, yer honor, what do ye think o' that ; 
Upon the old potato patch yer honor may—" 

There's a hole in the ballad and above all things, I 
abhor literary vamping. The great majority of these 
songs of Ireland are, however, patriotic effusions, and 
in a country where the people are too poor to subscribe 
for a newspaper, the national ballad singer contributes 
largely towards keeping up the old hostility to every- 
thing English, Almost seven centuries have elapsed 
since " the Saxon " first set foot on Irish soil, and yet, 
throughout this long period of plunder, persecution 
and misrule, the Irish ballad singer has stood his 
ground to remind the sons of sires who died defending 
their homes of the past, which will never be forgotten. 
So long as there is an old ruin to remind her of the 
despoiler — so long as there is a mountain glen to re- 
miind her of some savage massacre — so long as she has 
her ballad singers to stir up the burning memory and 



48 Paddy Pungent. 

hate within her sea-girt shores — Ireland can never 
forget. 

Another party claimed the services of my friend 
Miles Doyle for the next day, while I, bidding fare- 
well to the twin sisters of Glendaloiigh Vale — myth 
and fable — returned by rail to Dublin, where my old 
friend in Stephen's Green was as glad to see me as if 
I had returned after discovering a northwest passage. 
And knowing that I was about to start for Killarney, 
never to return, he had before my final departure much 
good advice to give me. He had in the first place, to 
give me a letter of introduction to the proprietor of 
Torcview Hotel, near Killarney, and secondly, he had 
to caution me against paying my passage in an Irish 
office when I should make up my mind to " cross the 
water" to California, lest the Irish agents of steamship 
lines would — smart scoundrels that they are — take me 
in and send me by the wrong ship. 

But above and beyond all other important hints 
that he had to give, he evidently considered his cau- 
tion against my traveling " all alone by myself," in a 
carriage with a " prurient prude," the most moment- 
ous, for here he suddenly became earnest and emphatic. 
It was in vain that I told him that I was not afraid of 
women, that I was, on the contrary, rather fond of fe- 
male society, and that on the whole, the fair sex had 
always treated me kindly, for all this, in his opinion, 
only tended to increase the danger to which I was 
about to become exposed on the Dublin and Killarney 
line. 

" Why man alive," said he in the most emphatic 
manner possible, "if some of these enterprising im- 



Prurient Prudes. 49 

postures caught you alone in a carriage, and found out 
that you came from California, they'd scream and 
squirm like a cat on a pitchfork, till the guard heard 
them ; and then if you Avouldn't settle the matter to 
their mind, they'd swear rapes, prongs, and pitchforks 
against you." So saying, he wished me '* a safe 
journey. Sir," reached me his hand and motioned to 
the driver that he had Jiimself engaged to take me to 
the terminus, to move on. 

The Metropolitan Terminus to which the lean, hut 
quick stepping horse brought me in short order, is one 
of the most magnificent railroad stations in the British 
Isles. The area of ground occupied by the station 
buildings, is about three acres and the whole extent is 
covered by a great iron roof, which rests upon strong 
iron pillars, and which combine lightness, beauty, and 
strength in a wonderful degree. 




CHAPTER III. 

Dublin to Killarney. — The Corough of Kildare. — Kil- 
larney Town. — Tore- View Hotel. — The Irish Oak 
Stick. — Street Scene in Killarney. — Will-o^-the— 
Wisp.- — Kerry Girls. — The O' Donoghue. 

Exactly at the advertised hour the whistle sounded, 
and the train started slowly out of the iron shed. Glid- 
ing gently along the green banks of the Liffey, it 
gradually increased its speed until the Wellington testi- 
monial and other distinguished structures in Phoenix 
Park seemed to play bo-peep around the old hawthorn 
trees on the plain. 

About the many q[uiet villages, quaint cabins, splen- 
did mansions, lovely valleys, and romantic mountains, 
which we passed during this long ride, through five of 
the most interesting counties of Ireland, we can say but 
little, as the iron horse would not wait for us to take 
notes. About nineteen miles from Dublin, the line 
crosses the Liffey, and the scenery thus far is of the 
most charming character. Broad meadows swarming 
at the time with jolly hay-makers ; large fields of pota- 
toes just in bloom, their pink blossoms closing up 
gently under the moniing's sun ; sweet pea and bean 
patches, which perfumed the air with their rich aromatic 
fragrance ; orchards fairly speckled with fruit, and 
shady groves, all glistening in the summer sunshine, 
glided gently past us like a beautiful panorama, as the 



Corough of Kildare. 51 

train kept on its winding way to the west. But after 
crossing the Liffey, and as we approach the celebrated 
Corongh of Kildare, the aspect of the country changes 
very much. 

The plain or Corough of Kildare, is long famed in 
Irish song and story — famed for insurgent encamp- 
ments, horse racing and fistic encounters. It was here 
that Donnelly, the Irish pugilist, defeated Cooper, the 
English champion, and to the present day, the *' noble 
deeds " of the former are made to "■ shine most glorious" 
around the shamrock shore. Up to the ninth round, 
our bards tell us, Cooper, after knocking Donnelly 
down several times in succession, had the call but at 
this juncture, Miss Kelly, an Irish lady of great for- 
tune and spunk, who, it would appear, bet all she had 
in the world on the courage and endurance of Donnelly, 
stepped into the ring and said : 

" Donnelly, what do you mean ! Hibernia's son," said 
she, "My whole estate, I have it bate on you, brave 
Donnelly." 

Of course that was enough to make any Irishman's 
heart strong. The pure Milesian blood boiled as thick 
as buttermilk in Donnelly's veins, and at the very next 
meeting, he tipped Cooper a " templer," which tumbled 
him over the rail, broke his jaw bone, and forty -nine of 
his ribs, andof course ended the fight. "Och ! murdther 
an' Irish, won't some o' ye's hould me my dears, or I'll 
be afther jumping out of my schkin, wid delight. ". 

One of the most interesting features of the country 
between Dublin and Killarney, is the great number 
of ancient castles, either close to the line of railroad, 
or a short distance on either side. As we pass through 



52 Paddy Pungent. 

the country of the Fogartys, the Fitzgeralds, the Mac- 
Carthys and the O'Moores, we see constantly such ob- 
jects, some in various stages of decay, and some in a 
state of fine preservation. At Mallow, the branch line 
to Killarney springs off the main Dublin and Cork 
line, and here we changed carriages, while the porters 
and guards rushed hither and thither, swaggering and 
shouting with all the ostentation necessary to convince 
us of the importance of their very distinguished situa- 
tions. There is very little variety to be seen along the 
line during the rest of its passage through the county 
of Cork, as the country, especially from the village 
of Millstreet to within a few miles of Killarney, is 
principally bog, interrupted occasionally by small 
patches of poorly cultivated land. The distant mount- 
ain scenery is, however, fine and bold, and the various 
hills, which form the southern boundary of the lakes, 
become every moment more distinct. 

It was well on in the afternoon when the train drew 
up at the Killarney station, and the few who refused 
to abandon the cars at any of the towns which we 
passed on the way, were soon lost among the motley 
throng of porters, guides and car drivers, that patiently 
waited our coming. Having to proceed to Tore-view 
hotel to deliver my letter, I was, however, soon again 
seated op an Irish jaunting car. 

The little town of Killarney is as uninteresting and 
as unpicturesque a place as one could conceive, con- 
sidering its proximity to the world renowned lakes, 
A few poor and narrow streets, lined for the most part 
with half ruined cabins ; a Roman Catholic church, 
which probably cost more to build it, than all the 



Killarney. 53 

houses in the village together ; a Protestant church, 
an establishment perhaps still more expensive ; two 
hotels, invariably deserted for those at the Lakes ; a 
police barrack, and a parish poor-house, make up the 
sum total of the town of Killarney. After passing the 
last house in the ruined row, which they have digni- 
fied with the name street, we drove along an elegant 
avenue between two rows of Linden trees ; and here 
splendid parks and pleasure grounds skirt the road on 
either side. On reaching an open plateau on the top 
of the hill, a stately looking building with plenty of 
doors and windows, at once met my eye. This was 
Tore-view Hotel, my intended temporary home. 

A nice, airy room up stairs, was already waiting for 
me, and observing that it commanded an extensive 
view of the valley of the lakes, I took immediate pos- 
session of it, and held it against all comers for four 
weeks. Such a clean, cheerful, charming little room as 
it was too, and such splendid views as we could ob- 
tain from the windows. In the morning as soon as the 
sun rose over Mangerton Mountain, it leaped through 
the eastern window and played bo-peep round my 
bed curtains, and in the evening, the cool, life-giving 
breeze, after descending the mountains and kissing the 
limpid lakes, came whispering through the casements 
of another, while immediately below the third, a beau- 
tiful and neatly laid out lawn, with gravel walks, 
rockeries, fountains, and rose-bushes, sloped away 
down the gentle hillside. 

Bridget, the plump and accomodating chamber 
maid, promptly supplied me with some whisky, 
sugar and water, superintended the making of the 



54 Paddy Pungent. 

punch, drank my health, and a share of it ; and when 
she discovered that, I was not an Englishman, would, 
without hesitation, I am sure, have pulled off my coat 
and pants, had I asked her. 

Next morning after breakfast, " Barney the boots" 
procured me a car, and one of the cleverest drivers 
the country afforded. Hat in hand, Paddy Mul- 
rooney, the celebrated Killarney car driver stood before 
me, and when by dint of patient, bashful enquiry, he 
found out what was wanted, he did not allow much 
grass to grow under his feet before he returned with 
the only three things which he loved or valued on 
earth ; his horse, a young wife, and a bouncing baby. 
After throwing the little three year old heels over head 
into the *' well " of the car, the young mother, with the 
agility of a London lamplighter, sprang from the seat 
to present me with a stout shillelagh of charmed Irish 
oak. Before handing it to me, however, and while 
cutting in a scientific manner the " true lovers knot" 
with it, she had to instruct me how to *' kill schnakes 
or any other venomous sarpints " with it ; and still re- 
main at a safe distance. 

"Jist make," said she, " a circumference round it 
with one end o' the schtick yer honor, an' with the 
tother, cut the sign o' the cross, between you an' the 
sarpint of what some ever it may be, an', as sure as 
I'm a livin' woman, it'll be aisy payiu' for that 
schnake's supper." 

I accepted the present, and deliberately drew from my 
pocket some silver, but Mrs. Mulroony declared with 
vehemence, that she "wouldn't take no money" at 
all, at all. " No indeed," she protested, " it wasn't for 



Killarney. 55 

tliat that I done it, no indeed it wasn't. Its jist 
a fashion I have, an' I can't help it, so I can't. 
So there's for ye now!" The little urchin which* 
(since a popular American writer, has proved 
a baby to be a beast, I suppose I may use the pro- 
noun which) all this time lay sprawling on the 
car, had not however any such scruples, for he clutched 
at the piece of money, and fairly crowed with delight 
when he had secured it. And although his generous 
mother told me several times, that it was " too much 
intirely sir," I could see her as we drove off, tickle and 
tumble the little miser about in her arms, with per- 
fect satisfaction. 

Armed with my charmed Irish oak stick, we drove 
towards Killarney and soon found ourselves in the 
neighborhood of the pleasure grounds noticed the even- 
ing before. The gates generously stood open, early as 
it was, inviting tourists and the merry band of fiddlers, 
pipers, peddlers, guides and impostures, who accom- 
pany them, to enter and enjoy themselves. In the 
town several strangers with green covered guide books 
in their hands, walked leisure^ along the streets, while 
boys and men with bare feet, and young girls with 
naked necks and disheveled hair, rushed around selling 
fruits and flowers, also, wooden toys made from the 
wild arbutus trees, which grow luxuriantly around the 
lakes. These, together with the ballad singers, fiddlers 
and pipers that blew and scratched, and screwed and 
bellowed, at every corner, made life appear quite lively 
in Killarney that morning. After passing the day 
among these m^rry makers and traders, and making 
all kinds of puchases, both in the town and in the parks, 



56 Paddy Pungent. 

I returned wearied and tired to my hotel .late in the 
evening. 

Biddy and Barney were very glad to see me, for 
they had begun to fear that I might have made too 
free with "Will o' the Wisp" in the bogs beside the 
lakes. And it was not, as they thought, without good 
reason that they were uneasy ; for many a whisky and 
way-worn wight, has been drowned in these bottom- 
less bogholes by Will, the vagabond ! But, what in 
their opinion made the matter worse in my case, was 
the fact, that they heard me on the blessed night before, 
declare my disbelief of all stories relating to the " little 
gentlemen," familiarly called fairies. For it is all very 
well not to be too much afraid of the fairies, whether 
they approach us in the shape of a burning wisp, or a 
hare, or a cluricune, or a banshee ; but to disbelieve in 
them altogether, is the very worst thing that man, 
woman or child can do. 

On the following day, I visited the Gap of Dunloe, 
and coom a dJioo (the black valley,) but, to any one 
who has ever visited the valley of the Yosemite in Cal- 
ifornia, or any one of the mountain passes of the Sierras, 
these diminutive Kerry specimens of mountain scenery, 
will present very little noteworthy features. 

However, we would not wish to be understood, as 
undervaluing the general beauty of the scenery around 
Killarney. The district is indeed, dreamily beautiful 
with every combination that can be produced by the 
elements that enter into the picturesque and the beau- 
tiful. There are grand and gigantic mountains, with 
noisy streams, and wild cataracts flashing down their 
sides ; dark green Woods with their stately trees, and 



The O'Donoghue. 57 

clustering shrubs ; elegant mansions and lovely villas 
with their decorated deer parks, lawns and pleasure 
grounds ; stately ruins of temples, round towers and 
feudal castles, reposing on verdant slopes beside the 
silvery lakes which glitter like diamonds in the sun- 
shine. Killarney is indeed, a most attractive spot — a 
spot where everything seems fresh, striking and 
piquant. 

As every student of Irish song and story, must be 
familiar with the legend of the O'Donoghue and 
his white horse ; it is only necessary for me to say here, 
that I visited the O'Donoghue Castle, and saw the win- 
dow from which the chieftain took the fatal leap ; and 
that as one of the ancient earls of Kildare, cased in arm- 
our, and mounted On a stately steed reviews his shad- 
owy troops, annually on the Oorough of Kildare ; so 
the princely O'Donoghue, gallops his white charger 
over the waters of Killarney, at early dawn on every 
May morning. 






CHAPTER IV. 

Good hye to Killarney. — Belfast. — lyrone among the 
Bogs and Bushes. — Love Making and Whisky — An 
Irish Courtship. — An Irish Fiddler, — The "Evil Eye. 
— Love among the Gipsies. — Courtship Extr aw di- 
nar y. — The Irish Purgatory. — Jig Dancing. — An 
Irish Wake. — The Cove of Cork.— The Blarney 
Stone. 

After spending so long a time in the soutt and east, 
I tliouglit it now proper to turn mj attention to tlie 
"black north." So making my way directly to Cork, 
I took passage on a little coasting steamer, for Belfast. 

In the exhibition of commercial enterprise, and the 
outlay of capital, Belfast is far ahead of either Dublin 
or Cork : but, while the tall chimneys of a thousand 
spinning mills, which puff their sooty breath into the 
air, would remind one of the great manufacturing towns 
of England ; with the inhabitants, everything has gone 
to roaring, rioting, cursing and swearing. It is, howev- 
er, only in a place like Belfast where fat gentlemen of 
every faith know so well how to make men hate each 
other, for the love of God that zealous Christians can 
learn how to burn bibles and throw brickbats to per- 
fection. 

You will now, kind reader, have the goodness to fol- 
low me into Tyrone, " among the bogs and bushes," 
and fancy me in full possession of a six-by-nine room, in 



Love and Whisky, 59 

the only hotel of which the modest little village of 
Five-Mile-Town can boast. 

The day after my arrival in this village, was the 
one on which the weekly market usually falls, and 
from an early hour the four or five roads which centre 
in the village were fairly crowded with cattle, hogs, 
hens and ducks, and their half-naked drivers from the 
nieghboring mountain slopes. On every side, save one, 
the little village steals almost imperceptibly away into 
gardens and cultivated fields ; and on this one side is 
an extensive common for the show and sale of stock. 
Into this gravelly waste, stock from every direction and 
of every variety, were crowded in the sweetest confus- 
ion imaginable ; and then commenced a scene of bick- 
ering, bantering and buying, never to be witnessed 
elsewhere outside of Ireland. 

After strolling around for sometime among the 
motley throng, I soon fell in with a few acquaintances, 
and with them returned to my room, to find it already 
occupied by a party of young boys and girls. Some of 
them who prided themselves not a little on their sing- 
ing and dancing, had got gloriously intoxicated, while 
others, yielding to the sweet promptings of their 
hearts, were seated on the half of their sweethearts' 
chair, their arms carelessly resting on its back, 
ready, as Burns would have it, to steal upon her 
bosom, '-unken't that day," 

We were just about to retire disappointed, when 
one of my companions named Ned, was most fortu- 
nately recognized by a lively little girsha at the door. 

" Hallo," she exclaimed, " How are ye Ned, come 
in, man, if ye be fat. Does yer mother know yer out," 



60 Paddy Pungent. 

and then handing him the glass out of which she had 
been tippling, and exposing at the same time a piece 
of her chair, she continued, " see, here's a sate, man, 
an' share o' this to ye." Ned Doorish deliberately 
tossed up the bottom of the glass, and then formally in- 
troduced us to Miss McKenna, who on turn, and in her 
own way, soon made us acquainted with all in the 
company, save one timid, retiring young — well we 
wont say anything about ages, I never like to touch 
upon the delicate topic — beauty whose delicate organ- 
ism could hardly, it was hinted, withstand the shock 
of an abrupt introduction, and who seemed to "sit 
fast " in the far corner of the room. At my request, 
however, Miss McKenna plucked up courage and ap- 
proached her. " This is Miss Reilly," said my friend 
softly as we approached the corner. Miss Eeilly and 
I bowed to each other, and I think she blushed 
slightly, but of course there was too much of the old 
Oalifornian in me to be guilty of any such weak- 
ness. Now Miss Reilly's hair was as black as the 
raven's wing, and her eyes, into which I could look 
far and deep, were " brown and bonny," and all-hough 
some might consider her person too slender, she ap- 
peared to me a perfect type of beauty, ease and ele- 
gance. Well, after seating myself " forninst " her, for 
as I thought, the first time, and looking for a short 
while earnestly into the bewildering recesses of her 
bonny brown eye, I began to suspect that I had been 
" there before," yet how could it be possible. Well, 
indeed it was possible; it was my long lost and love- 
able colleen macJiree', so throwing myself into a melo- 
dramatic attitude, I raised her lovely wee hand to my 



A Sweet Surprise. 61 

lips, and murmured " Catherine." Catherine was 
about to scream out " unhand me sir," but after a 
second look, — a look, which like vapor in the summer 
sunshine, sweetly dissolved into vacancy, — she relented 
and selecting a suitable place for depositing herself, 
she fainted. T was now in a most bewildering situa- 
tion ; but, as the girl remained gentle, and as the flow- 
ers of sweet recollection, came in to soothe and calm my 
spirit, my courage rose with the occasion for it : and 
I thought that if ever human being was formed to 
realize my ideal of a real heroine, that individual was 
Catherine Reilly. Well, after some neat cuggering 
(whispering) on my part, and a little judicious sprink- 
ling, she soon recovered consciousness, and then we 
were very soon all right again with each other. She 
remembered the days when I, with a general air of 
self-reliance, led her through hazel thickets in search of 
birds' nests and fugitive butterflies ; and well too, did 
she remember the day that she fell into the duck-pond, 
and how I, with a heart for every fate, plunged in and 
rescued her from a watery grave, and then sunned her 
so well on the lee side of a thorn hedge that her mother 
never knew it. Then we remembered, how when at 
school, we both read out of the one book ; how, when 
hard up for reading matter, and full of " love divine," 
we could always fall back on " Butler's Lives of the 
Saints;" how I used to sympathize with the sweet 
St. Mary of Egypt ; and how, she on turn admired the 
Christian fortitude of St. Francis. But with all this, 
— and she blushingly acknowledged it, — it would have 
been exceedingly difficult to make me follow the 



62 Paddy Pungent. 

example of the good saint, so long as she could not be 
transformed into, a snow-heap * 

There are some days, one never forgets. I doubt if 
lever forget those days, and though I have jogged 
through many calmer ones, there has been none like 
them, — none ! The whole neighborhood, however, was 
soon made desolate, by the closing of the famous 
school. 

The teacher, exchanging the pen for the spade,' 
turned his attention to agricultural pursuits ; although 
the people by common consent, acknowledged, that 
their literary heavens could never again be illumined 
by such another orb of light, and glory. 

It was just about the time of the extinguishment of 
this luminary, that we began to disbelieve the story 
about " good people," rowing themselves down the 
stream, through the hazel thicket, into which we had 
so often been tempted during the nutting season, in 
boats made of bubles ; and having to believe in some- 
thing, we of course, continued to believe in Catherine. 
Not wishing, however, that our little love affairs should 
become a theme for idle discourse, we also continued to 
mind our " p's and q's." It frequently happend, that 
her big brother would have to go away to the market 
or mill ; and then it was that we could enjoy a moment's 
pleasure; — then it was, that the set of signals which 
we had adapted came into play with success. These 
signals of ours, if not altogether as perfect as the mari- 
ners code, answered our purpose very well ; and when 
giving me to understand that the coast was clear, they 

* Whenever St. Francis feuad himself gtrongly tempted by the emotions of 
the flesh, he, it is said, always plunged his naked body into a heap of snow 



An Irish CourtsJiip. 63 

always worked to a charm. Kever did a ship-wrecked 
sailor strain his eyes more anxiously to catch a glimpse 
of a friendly sail than 1 have, day in and day out, for 
one sight of that white familiar shimagh. And when 
at last it would make its appearance on the very top- 
most towering height of a friendly old hawthorn tree, 
the joy of the sailor on being rescued from impending 
peril could not exceed mine. How light-hearted I 
would then steal over on the sly, take my seat by the 
backstone, and throw a piece of turf, a small potato 
or maybe a coal from the fire into her lap; and how 
lovingly she would hurl back the spark, at my beloved 
head. [N. B.] This was a sure sign that my seat was 
not more acceptable than myself, for had it been so, that 
spark could have lain in that lap until it had sunk a 
shaft through the bran new apron, and a sub-stratum of 
three or four quilted petticoats, before she would have 
stooped so low to lift so little. But as she responded 
briskly every time, it was then proper to creep a little 
closer, and pull the knitting needles out of her stocking 
or the hair-pin out of her hair. Thus, step by step, 
and inch by inch, did I gain upon her affections, until 
she blushingly yielded up to me one-half of her chair, 
and swore to be constant for ever. Och, murder and 
Irish ! isn't it sweet to be alone 1 when one has his 
sweetheart beside him. Day after day, Catherine's 
love increased, and my passion ripened and good 
reason it had to ripen too ; for, besides being the direct 
descendants of Irish kings, the O'Reillys are connected 
with the English aristocracy, through the Fitzdoodles 
on the mother's side. 

But all this, only rendered our parting particularly 



64 Paddy Pungent. 

severe. I shall never forget that day ; and the agony- 
it brought us. She wept bitterly; and compromising 
with my dignity for the first time, I gave the roar, cus- 
tomary on such occasions. Then, clasping her hands 
in mine convulsively, I exclaimed, " Catherine ! my 
love! farewell! and if forever! fare thee well ! To 
have loved truly, though we have, loved in vain, shall 
be our consolation." There was wisdom for you ; for 
after all, it is a consolation to know, that we have had 
a heart. 

Once in Five-Mile-Town, and we were on the " ould 
sod,^^ sure enough. We knew w'ell every foot of ground 
over which we walked, and remembered every lane, 
gate, and stile, from the time of our early boyhood. 
And now, as we carelessly rambled about among the 
old haunts, we could not but look back, and think of 
the thoughts which had filled our mind during our ear- 
ly wanderings. How many of those gawky gainless 
days I spent in wandering over green slopes, and along 
the banks of babbling streams, and in composing rhymes 
in honor of Catherine E.eilly — rhymes which no 
human eye but my own ever saw — it would be hard 
to tell ; but it is enough to know that I created for my- 
self ray own romance, though to the eye a most unro 
mantic youth, and wandered through woods and hazel 
thickets, with many thoughts, of which they who knew 
me best, knew nothing. When starting from 
California, I thought, that to wander again for a season, 
among the scenes of my childhood, would be .charming 
beyond measure ; but alas! for human hopes, and 
human expectations. When, without any fanciful col- 
oring, I saw my favorite springs and streams, once 



An IrisJi Fiddler, Q5 

lovely and clear as crystal, tramped into mud puddles 
by the rude hoofs of ungainly oxen, and the once stately 
old hawthorns turned into lifeless rubbing posts ; — 
when I saw the old familiar faces, supplanted by 
younger and less friendly ones, and the sun setting 
apparently in the wrong flac^, T was disappointed and 
disgusted. One thought, however, directed towards 
the lovely and prosperous shores of the Pacific, towards 
the far west, the land wherein my future home shall 
be, quickly dispersed the gloom that was fast gather- 
ing around me. There I remembered a brilliant sun 
rises and sets in the right place ; there, the little birds 
and bees labor among fruits and flowers, more success- 
fully for the benefit and amusement of man ; there, such 
words as want and penury are unknown, and there 
the scenery of mountain, valley, glade and glen, in 
grandeur and sublimity, if not in fairy donnyness, sur- 
passes that of any other land on earth. Away then 
thought I, from this land of misery, wretchedness and 
misrule, to tha land of plenty, — to " the land of the 
brave, and the home of the free." 

From that moment my mind was made up, but, could 
I ever think of leaving Tyrone for the last time, without 
shaking my foot vith free good will to the music of my 
old friend Dennis Doorish 1 As well expect me to 
keep sober in a distillery. What ! Is it to go away 
from my native glen without dropping a tear or danc- 
ing a jig ? — Never ! by the hole in my coat, death ! 
before dishonor. Shake my foot I shall and then, — 
why then ! " My native land good night." 

Now this same Dennis Doorish, the celebrated Irish 
fiddler to whose music I danced my last jig in my na- 



66 Vaddy 'Pungent. 

tiye glen, was at one time quite a character in the 
neighborhood about which I have been writing. 
Although a cripple from infancy, he could play 
the fiddle with an air of freedom, sing a good song, fight, 
off sleep with the bravery of a major general, and 
hide away a glass or two of mountam dew like any 
other man. Without, however, any love for wrong 
or any apparent inclination towards evil, his whole 
nature was honest, simple, pure and good. A smile 
perpetually lighted up his round Irish face and at the 
sound of a good joke, his light gray eyes would 
twinkle like two stars on a frosty night. Affectionate, 
generous, healthy, and happy, Dennis Doorish just 
lived from day to day, a playful, fun loving, pure and 
perfect example of what nature meant man to be, and 
in my humble opinion, philosophers might journey 
from the remotest regions of the earth to learn wisdom 
at this Irish cripple fiddler's feet . 

While claiming nothing, Dennis possessed a large 
interest in the affairs of the neighborhood. No court- 
ship could be carried on successfully without his knowl- 
edge and assistance ; no more than a wedding, christ- 
ening, or harvest home could be properly celebrated 
without him. In short, he seemed to hold in his hands 
the happiness of his neighbors ; but as the animal was 
always in good condition, he never sent any of thetn 
away with a sore heart. 

Being as before observed, a cripple from infancy, he 
had to ride about from house to house, on the back of ^ 
an old donkey which, for square cunning and sagacity, 
was almost a match for its master. It would know 
him in any crowd, come to him at his call, stand still 



The Evil Eye. 67 

wlien it found him in danger of falling off; and when- 
ever he got drunk, it would stagger for him. 

But, in order to give the reader anything like a fair 
idea of what Dennis Boorish, and his donkey was to 
the people of Aughentain, I must go back and give a 
brief history of their career, up to the present writing. 
The donkey's story is soon told. He was sired by a 
Spanish jack and d— d by everybody that attempted 
to ride him in the absence of his master. And as for 
Dennis, he was third son of a decent honest couple, 
who, as they say in Ireland, were blessed with four or 
five children, all boys save one, that they after much 
hesitation concluded to call Belle ; although about lier 
"persuasion," there are grave disputes to the present 
day. Well up to the time that the hero of our story 
had reached his third year, these boys were all ashealthy 
and as good looking children as could be found in aU 
Ireland, and that's saying a good deal. A proud man 
was Paddy Doorish of these fine children, and a proud 
woman too was his wife ; and they say it was enough 
to make any Irishman proud of the breed of his coun- 
trymen, to see them all standing together in their 
father's cabin door on a fine May morning, with their 
I beautiful flaxen hair hanging in curls about their rosy 

* cheeks, and a big laughing potato smoking in their 

hand. 

A sad blow, however, was soon to be given to the hap- 
piness of Mr. and Mrs. Doorish by a cunning woman 
who was well known about the country, by the name 
of " Moll Roe," which literally means Molly of the red 
hair. This red haired vixen like all her sort, could; by 
means of mysterious sayings or charms, charm away 



68 Paddy Pungent. 

warts and wans, foretell the death of any individual, 
describe the movements of those in the other world, and 
know all their wants and wishes, which she would 
kindly relate to the friends of the departed and thereby 
enable them to supply those wants. Nearly every one 
in the parish, from a desire of propitiating superior 
beings of a malignant nature and a wish to avoid 
words of ill omen, I opine, treated her civilly if not 
with very great respect. But, there will always be 
some people foolhardy enough to annoy fairy mediums 
by making too free or by pretending to disbelieve in 
them altogether, and sooner or later all such silly peo- 
ple learn better. For when they chance to wake up 
some fine morning to find a calf dead with the black 
leg, a horse in the staggers, the chickens in the pip or 
the pig in the measels, they are sure to come to theirs' 
senses, for their is no end to the mischief which these ■ 
women with red hair may play, if you annoy them or 
neglect to give them what they wish. 

Whether Mrs. Doorish was one of these incredulous 
people, I am not prepared to say ; but certain it is 
she must have incurred the hostility of Mrs. Moll Roe 
in some way or other ; for as she sat combing the flax- 
en hair of lier beautiful boy in the bright sunshine, at 
her own cabin door, on one of the most dangerous days 
in all the year, — May Eve — who should come and 
stand right " forninst " her but " this same said " Moll 
Roe ! in the morning. 

Now it is well known in Ireland that May Eve is, 
above all the days in the year, peculiarly dangerous to 
mortals, a day on which the " little gentlemen " pos- 
sess the power, as well as the inclination to do all sorts 



The Evil Eye, 69 

of mischief ; a day on which the "evil eye " is deemea 
most malignant, and a day on which youth and beauty 
are especially exposed to peril. 

How Molly came to the cabin door without any one 
seeing her, is hard to tell ; but come she did, and there 
she stood for several minutes on this peculiar day, 
without as much as saying " God save all here," and as 
is usual on such occasions, Mrs. Doorish was too much 
put about to think of speaking the saving words her- 
self, and so they were left entirely unsaid. The story 
is soon told. Dennis, the darling of his mother's heart 
fell, in a few minutes after, down in a fit in which he 
lost all power of his lower limbs, and although his head 
body and arms continued to develope themselves in a 
wonderful degree, until he was over twenty, his feet 
and legs shriveled up and remained about as thick as 
the handle of a whip and just as flexible. This natur- 
ally made poor Mrs. Doorish very unhappy ; and more 
particularly because the neighbors began to suspect 
that her child was something not right, that he was in 
a word a changeling, and what helped to confirm their 
suspicions, was the fact that his eyes were continually 
moving in his head, as if they had the perpetual mo- 
tion. His poor pother could not of course long disbe- 
lieve what every one said was true, but still she did 
not like to see the child abused. 

However, she at last consented to let some of the 
neighbors who were experienced in such matters, put 
the youngster out on the shovel, and seat him on a hot 
griddle, experiments which duly convinced her that 
the boy was indeed her own son, somewhat deformed 
it was true, from having been brought under the influ- 



70 Paddy Pungent. 

ence of the evil eye ; but still her own darling boy. 
Well, the next thought with her, — for who will think 
like a mother ! — was as to how the boy might be 
brought up to earn decent bread for himself. Fortu- 
nately, before the little fellow was five years old, he 
had been noticed to ha,ve an excellent ear for music, 
and it was also remarked, how that the first time he 
ever heard a fiddle tuned in his life, he threw up his 
puny legs, bumped himself in the cradle and fairly 
squealed with delight. His poor mother was delighted 
to hear and see all this, and so she immediately 
advised the old man to take the pig to the market and 
buy Dennis a fiddle. This done, a professional fiddle 
player was soon engaged to learn him the gamut, but 
the youth seemed quite as much up to the business as 
if he had been all his life a dancing master. Seeing 
this, the musician wished the mother joy of her son, 
swore he was a natural genius, born with a fiddle in 
his belly, and declared that "in less than no time," 
with the help of a little good instruction from himself, 
there would not be a match for him in the whole 
country. So well he might say it ; for soon there was 
not a fiddler in the nine counties of the north, that 
could come at all near him in playing. •* Hand me down 
the tacklings." ''Haste to the wedding," or any of the 
fine old Irish jigs which seem to put quicksilver in 
people's feet and make them dance whether they will 
or no. Bless my eyes boys ! wasn't it glorious to 
hear him strike up "Moderagh Rue," or the "Fox 
Hunters' Jig." Why you would really think you 
heard the hounds giving tongue ; the huntsman cheer- 
ing and the terriers yelping behind, — in short, it was 
the very next thing to hearing the hunt itself. 



Love Among the Gipsies, 71 

While Dennis was thus pouring sunshine into the 
hearts of his associates, with his popularity at the 
highest pitch, he, unfortunately for himself, if favorable 
to the still greater amusement of his neighbors, fell in 
with a blind girl belonging to a gipsy family well known 
in the neighborhood, with whom, to the surprise of all 
who knew him, and supposed they also knew where 
vitality with him began and ended, he contrived to 
carry out an intrigue till the youngest of three told on 
them. 

The character of every nation, is strongly marked 
in the habits and customs of its people ; but, in no 
people that has ever come under the observation of a 
writer are those characteristics so completely devel- 
oped, as in the wandering beggars or Bohemians, that 
make every house their home. 

Jamie Cambell, the father of this blind girl, and his 
wife, Hannah Breen (here let me remark, by the way, 
that the circumstance of the girl's father and mother 
bearing different napaes need cause no scandal, as 
it is quite common in Ireland for a decent married 
woman to retain for life her maiden name), had, like 
their forefathers, as far back as tradition could trace 
them, both been raised to begging, and now pursued 
their calling with energy and sometimes with very 
great success. For they were, in cases where stern 
purse-proud parents refused to let the course of true love 
run smooth, very expert messengers and active agents 
and consequently they often received very rich rewards 
for their cleverness. 

When the news of his daughter's dishonor came to 
Jamie's ears, he was inconsolable, but he, however, 



72 Paddy Pungent. 

still continued to trot from house to house, to receive 
the sympathy of the people, and to tell them over and 
over again about his sad misfortunes. And it so hap- 
pened, that there was always somebody in every house 
who ''never heard nothing," about Jamie's excessive 
grief, so Jamie had there and then, to tell the story 
another time. 

Now, as I have been fortunate enough to hear 
Jamie in a tone as peculi'er to himselfas.it was plain- 
tive, relate his grievances more than once, and as I have 
my doubts about being able to do justice to the subject 
myself, I propose to give them in his own words, 
remarking, by the way, that he invariably directed 
his discourse to the woman — to the woman of Ireland, 
who never allow a prudish notion of modesty in 
language to mar their amusements. Well, after crawl- 
ing up close to the " backstone," and sticking a coal 
in his pipe, Jamie, on the last occasion on which I 
had the good fortune to hear him, began by addressing 
as usual, the ban a thee or wopaan of the house : " Ye 
see ma'am, my daughter Mary was dark in both eyes, 
an' she had an awful fine taste for £he music entirely, 
an' so the people advised me to send her to larn to 
play the fiddle. Well, to besure at long an' at last I 
consented to send her to Dennis Doorish, the dirty 
blaguard — May bittherbad luck attend him, both night 
an' day — An' what would ye have ov it, on that very 
day that me an' Hannah — poor sowl I pity her any 
way — led my blind daughter Mary, over Mullinahash 
Mountain, (I mind it well an' will till the day I die 
• — for by the same token I knew there was somethin' 
afore me) my heart was sore an' heavy, an' sure 



The Purgatorial Isle. ^^ 

enough I said to Mary : ' Now Mary darlia' , won't you 
be a good girl an' larn to play the fiddle well ? an' 
then, (says I,) it will be no longer Mary Oambell with 
ye, but, Miss Oambell come to the parlor at plase." 
Then 1 gave Deunis a good half-crown, an' Mary larnt 
him a song that was worth another half-crown, that 
was ray good five shillin's, an' the cripple rascal afther 
all that never larnt her a tune but " Ould Morna Gib- 
berlan" and ''Ally with the Long Nose,"— tunes dear, 
that she could never play in any daycent company. 
But, between you an' I an' the wall dear, an' to make 
a long story short dear, that wasn't the worst o' it, so 
I may as well tell ye at onc't (an' troth an' sowl dear, 
it's a sorry man that I am, that's her father, to have to 
tell it) — 'pon my sowl dear, he disfranchised her !" 
«' Well, Jamie !" enq^uired the old woman, " what on 
earth tempted you to leave your daughter alone with 
Dennis Doorish, or any other man 1 Don't you know 
the devil was always in the men !" " Its thrue for ye 
ma'am," resumed Jamie, " an' sure of a sartinty I 
never 'ud a done it, only the neighbors tould me that 
the dirty blaguard had— had— OA, Weirra Dheelish ! 
Isn't it me that's to be pitied." 

Thus, Jamie, amid roars of laughter, invariably 
ended the story of his grievances and his daugliter's 
shame. But, the serious part of the business was, 
what should be done with Dennis, the seducer of 
Jamie's blind but musical daughter 1 Some of the 
more rigidly righteous were for resorting to extreme 
measures, but as poor Dennis, the prince of nature's 
noblemen, stood or rather sat ready to marry the girl, 
and thus make reparation for all the mischief he had 
4 



74 Paddy Pungent. 

played, they were completely disarmed and driven to 
their wits end. Soon, however, a congriess of all the 
old women in the parish, with the priest acting as 
chairman, assembled to consult seriously on the matter, 
but alas ! for the course of true love, after deliberating 
calmly and dispassionately for several weeks, they 
decided that the erring couple could not under any 
circumstances become man and wife ; but, that on the 
contrary, Mary might return to her parents, while the 
ubiquitous Dennis, donkey and all, should be sent on a 
pilgrimage to the Irish purgatory, at Lough Derg. 

Now the history of this famous locality, is in itself 
worth a passing notice. The entrance to this Irish "hell 
of the holy " was formerly placed on an island in Lough 
Derg, through which flows the Shannon. Tradition 
tells us, that St. Patrick, (in the language of a modern 
American divine) spoke to the Lord to locate the 
entrance to purgatory on this island, so that all unbe- 
lievers might see for themselves, and become con- 
verted. Grod, as the story goes, heard the apostle's 
prayer ; and then pious monks, with great solemnity, 
guarded the sacred spot for centuries, while the relig- 
ous enthusiasm of the middle ages brought thousands 
of pilgrims to it, from all parts. But, as the devotional 
ceremonies gradually began to dwindle down into some- 
thing partaking of the character of Donnybrook Fair 
and a Burn's Holy Fair combined, the mysteries of the 
dark cavern at length began to dissolve, and the entrance 
to the " hell of the holy patriarchs " was then removed 
■ — after the manner that mountains are removed, I sup- 
pose— -to another holy island in the center of another 
Lough Derg, in the mountains of Donegal. This blealk 



Dancing a Jig. 75 

little island is now, and has been for many years, the 
true purgatorial isle to which Irish sinners like Dennis 
Doorish are being sent in annually increasing numbers. 
The ceremonies, which last for severaldays, and which 
consist of praying and singing, are said to be very 
fascinating ; but then what of it ? Dogs, cats, birds 
and many other animals can be fascinated. The lower 
orders of animals, however, struggle against the fascin- 
ating power, and are never more than its captives, 
while man on the contrary often becomes a willing 
captive to influences wholly contemptible. How often 
has it been observed at " camp meetings," even here in 
free-thinking, progressive America, that " those who 
cametoscoffremainedtopray." The sensible being of 
half an hour ago suddenly becomes fascinated through 
the influence of the frenzy — a purely human frenzy, by 
the way — ^by which he is surrounded, and as an active 
instrument of that which came upon him as a terror, he 
is now busy singing, jumping and shouting, like any 
other lunatic. 

We found Dennis, on this occasion, playing away in 
a cabin on the side of a mountain, and not, as it ap- 
peared, without eff'ect either ; for as we entered the door, 
everything in the house seemed disposed to dance. The 
plates and dishes jingled on the dresser, the pots and pot 
books rattled in the chimney corner, and a few of the 
more sober fancied (may be it was no fancy) that they 
felt the chairs and stools moving from under them. 
But, however, it may have been with chairs and stools, 
it is certain that but few who were there that night, 
could remain long in a sitting posture, for both the old 
and the young, the grave and the gay, all in turn took to 



76 Paddy 'Pungent. 

dancing, which we kept up spiritedly to clear daylight in 
the morning. It has been my fortune to witness the 
mirthful manifestations of human bipeds in many lands ; 
I have seen seductive waltz with all its significant atti" 
tudes, tempting polka with its alluring postures, the 
grand quadrille with all its gayety, and at the end I 
believe the lively Irish jig, well seasoned with some 
stout Irish whisky punch, is still triumphant. 

At the dance we had the good fortune to fall in with 
two " strapping " young Irishmen, the living represen- 
tatives of two families long famous in Ulster — the 
Kennys and O'Dohertys, ever famous for patriotism 
and hospitality. 

Now John Kenny, I will venture to say, was as 
jolly a companion over a jug of punch as you could 
meet from Fair Head to the Cove of Cork. A regular 
harum-scarum, devil-may-care sort of a fellow, and al- 
ways singing national songs, reciting patriotic verses, 
or talking some nonsense or other. And among the 
rest of his folly, he would sometimes pretend not to be- 
lieve in ghosts or fairies. And as for James Doherty, 
he would as soon pass an old churchyard cemetery, or a 
regular fairy ground at any hour of the night, as go from . 
one room into another. A roving, dashing, fearless blade 
was James ; give him plenty of whisky and he would 
defy the aevil, face a mad bull, or fight single-handed 
against a fair. Such, then, were the companions I there 
found, and as an old woman, who went by the name of 
*' Peg Trot the cup tosser," had died the evening before, 
our meeting in time for the wake was a very godsend. 

Well over that night we all went to the wake and 
encountered heroically the dense cloud of tobacco 



An Irish WaTce. 77 

smoke and the glare of the countless lighted candles 
which diffused throughout the house as much heat as 
light. The corpse, neatly dressed out in a white cap 
and winding sheet, and ornamented with a cross, a 
set of beads, and a little salt over the region of the 
heart, was laid out on a barn door which had been 
taken off its hinges for the occasion. This door was 
fastjened on the seats of two strong chairs, while two 
tables beside them fairly groaned under a load of 
white plates, lighted candles, pipes and tobacco. 
After saying a "Pater an' Ave,'' and securing some 
pipes and tobacco, the old folks generally retired to 
the adjoining dwelling houses to smoke their pipes 
and tell their stories, and give the youngsters a chance 
to kiss and court and try their strength. Well, when 
all the young men in the neighborhood had tried their 
strength, activity and endurance, right in good earnest, 
John Slash, the best story-teller in the country, sat in 
the chimney corner, ready to keep the whole company 
in a continual uproar with his ludicrous gesticulations 
and ready wit. 

There is, it may be proper to say here, in every 
parish or district in Ireland, always some natural gen- 
ius—some wonderful personage, who with a good 
memory and a fertile imagination can overwhelm a 
Methodist minister at " arguing scripture ;" tell any 
amount of comic tales and humorous anecdotes, and be- 
come at once the gifted prophet, herald, and historian 
of the peasantry. These local chroniclers of exciting 
scenes, dim traditions, and hoary legends, with their 
sweet, hrogueish, flexible voices, fluent tongues, buoy- 
ant spirits, and Jan inexhaustible supply of comic hu- 



78 Paddy Pungent. 

mor and native wit, are generally very much res- 
pected, while they in turn appreciate above all earthly 
things, daycent wakes, weddings, dances, and funerals. 
Well, on this particular night, John Slash was, we 
must say, a very agreeable companion. He sang some 
sweet songs, danced a good country jig, *' boxed the 
.Connaught man," and "shuffled the brogue" in a 
masterly manner, and at the end, after quoting scrip- 
ture like a parson, he read us an excellent sermon out 
of the sole of his old shoe. After John Slash had tired 
himself out, John Kenny now started up and recited 
the third act of a tragedy. Why he did not select 
something lighter for the occasion I could not then find 
out, and in all probability never will, for John Kenny 
is not the man to be profanely questioned on such 
matters. 

" Now then," said Jim Doherty, after Mr. Kenny 
had resumed his seat, "I'll give yes a touch." So in 
the mellowest of mellow voices, he " rowl'd " forth the 
following, stretching out some notes to a very great 
length, in order to imitate the singing of the peasantry : 

"I'll dress you airy both night and mornin,' 
To milk yer cows by the ends of day ; 
By the bonny woodcock and lark so charmin,' 
O, Moorlough Mary won't you come away ?" 

"Faith its a beauty, Jim," says I, " can't you give 
us the beginning of it." " I can't then," says he, " for 
I forgot it, but can't you hould yer tongue, man, an' 
listen at any rate." My heart was going pit-a-pat, and 
I couldn't hould my tongue, so I couldn't, and so I 
again made free to ask him, " an' did she come, Jim.'* 



A Fearful Scene, 79 

" Arra whisht, man," says he, " an listen, can't ye, its 

herself that speaks :" 

" Yes ! I'll press your knees an' your beard I'll tease, 
And milk your cows, love, two times a day. 
By the whirring moorcock and lark so charmin', 
■%■ Your Moorlough Mary will come away." 

Just as Jim had finished this fragment of a favor- 
ite old song, the crowing of the " first cock " announced 
the approach of the "wee sma hour " when ghosts, 
goblins and cluricunes have full play among mortals, 
and of course every body was on the lookout. And 
the character of the night, too, when Jim Doherty — fool 
hardy man that he always was— threw open the door to 
let out the tobacco fumes, was not such as could help to 
calm one's spirits, for the rain fell in torrents, the light- 
nings flashed, the wind blew and the thunder rolled !— 
just such a night as 

" E'en a child might understand 
The de'il had business on his hand." 

And what made matters still worse, when alive. Peg 
Trot was set down as a very loose, suspicious charac- 
ter. She could raise the wind or a thunder storm at 
any moment, kill or cure hogs, dogs, goats and chil- 
dren with equal facility,' and what was still more 
remarkable — for she never had a husband — ^become a 
mother occasionally into the bargain. In fact she was 
a very mysterious woman entirely. But neither the 
fear of the corpse nor the dreadful hour of the night, 
nor even the sight of a ghost itself, could make Jim 
Doherty behave himself. Having heard that, for want of 
timely assistance to remove her, the old woman had re- 



80 Faddy Pungent. 

mained ,in the chair in which she died until she had 
stiffened in a sitting posture, and that in order to keep 
her in a horizontal position on the barn door some ropes 
had to be passed over her knees and breast under the 
winding sheet, he saw at a glance that the removal of the 
ropes would bring her instantly into a sitting posture 
again. I repeat, as soon as he heard of the rope fixture, 
which but few in the house, it is fair to say, ever heard 
of, he saw the situation at a glance, and so prepared to 
come the ghost game over us. Well, after providing 
himself with a sharp knife, he very quietly and very 
modestly took his seat by the side of an unsophisti- 
cated young girl, who sat on a portion of the barn door 
beside the corpse, and while pretending to talk to the 
decent girl, the vagabond managed to pinch her in a 
peculiar place and in a manner calculated to make her 
think it was a *' dead nip." The story is soon told. 
Like Dudu, the girl instantaneously screamed out, 
just at the moment the rope was cut, and as the eyes 
of the astonished company turned towards the spot 
from whence came the unearthly scream, they be- 
held with consternation and dismay the unshriven 
corpse of Peg Trot coming up with a jerk, and with a 
bran new pipe in her mouth, to the old sitting posture. 
The scene that ensued beggars description. A grand 
rush Y/as made for the open door, where some rude 
crushing and swearing with much crossing and scream- 
ing set in, and on the whole such another whillaballoo 
was never before seen even at an Irish wake. 

Seeing that the trick came very near being too suc- 
cessful, and thinking, not unwisely we believe, that the 
place would soon become too hot for further operations, 



Cove of Cork. 81 

James Dolierty very prudently " took the road on his 
head." 

After thus passing away the winter in drinking, 
dancing, kissing and courting, we bid a long and in all 
probability, a last farewell to our jolly companions, 
and the green hills of Tyrone, and took the overland 
route to Cork, where, after a few days delay, we em- 
barked for New York, and so returned to San Francisco 
in " three ships." 

The " ancient ould " city of Cork, and the renowned 
*' Bells of Shandon," are still seen and heard in all 
their glory and grandeur. Cork city is at present quite 
picturesque in appearance, and having of late years 
spread itself extensively on both sides of the river Lee, 
it is now in point of magnitnde the second city of Ire- 
land, while for richness and beauty its suburbs cannot 
be surpassed. The irregular streets which invariably 
follow the tortuous course of the river and its tributa- 
ries; the roads which lead to the surrounding villages, 
and the ever green hills which slope up from the city 
on every side, are all replete with beauty. But, with 
all its suburban beauty, what would Cork be without 
its Cove '] — without its Queenstown ] Of this charming 
little town and harbor, what shall I say ? Here the 
scene is everywhere one of ever changing beauty — 
here nature has certainly done her level best, for a 
lovelier spot she has«never formed. A lovely harbor, 
completely land-locked and partially filled up with lit- 
tle fairy isles, on which handsome gardens and subur- 
ban villas are scattered about ; a town, beautiful and 
well built, and of purely southern aspect, sloping up 
terrace after terrace on the sunny side on one of the 
4* 



82 Faddy Pungent. 

largest of these island-liills, on the very summit of 
which detached mansions quietly stand, overlooking 
the town, the harbor, the islands, and the huge head- 
lands against which the wild Atlantic lashes itself into 
foam. 

Since the visit of Queen Victoria, in 1849, Queens- 
town has grown in wealth and importance, very rapidly. 
Anxious no doubt, to administer a little beef tea to the 
sick sister, and to show at the same time what royal 
patronage can do among the low rabble, that delve in 
the dirty clay, Britannia has at length located a dock- 
yard — the first for Ireland — at the Cove of Cork. We 
may be happy yet. 

I lingered around the romantic Cove for four weeks, 
during which time I visited the celebrated groves of 
Blarney, Blarney Castle and the Blarney Stone, in 
company with some new made friends, one or two of 
whom I can never forget. Sweet, retiring, sensible 
Susan, how little you know about ** man's inhumanity 
to man," and oh, how little a wicked and corrupt world 
can understand the feelings of a pure and sensitive 
heart ! So long, Susan, as I have a mind to remember 
how nearly our readings corresponded when compared 
—how we settled up matters with Miss Braddon, Miss 
Jane Porter, and other lights of the school of artificial 
sentiment — I can never forget you ! 

Blarney Castle, which, like most others in Ireland, 
suffered greatly during the civil wars, is most roman- 
tically situated on an isolated rock about three miles 
north of the city of Cork. The great celebrity of the 
Castle is derived from the wonderful Blarney Stone, 



The Blarney Stone. 



83 



whose touch confers the most winning eloquence. 
Happy indeed, is the man who can kiss it. 

" 'Tis he may clanfber 
To a lady's chamber, 
Or become a member, 

Of Parliament." 




CHAPTER V. 

Gradual Sliallowing of Seas. — Everythwg Undergoes 
Change. — Our Earth Growing JLarger. — Man a 
Mere Earth-Bound Worm. — Progress Erom Soils 
to Men. — Christianity versus Spiritualism. — Man a 
Progressive Animal. — Effects of Amalgamation. 

Sailing so mucli on the ocean, while it gave ns ample 
time for reflection, led us to wonder why three-Fourths 
of this whole globe is nearly covered with water, and 
that only one-fourth is in a condition to be permanently 
inhabited by human beings. Is there any law in na- 
ture which prevents the proportion from becoming one- 
fourth water and three-fourths land, or even less water 1 
Some of those old philosophers whose brains are sup- 
posed to be checkered with longitudinal and latitudinal 
lines, say that there is, but common sense would say 
that in this case, at least, their guessing machines 
must be out of order. Believing then that the old 
fellows are in this respect mistaken, and that many 
bright things may spring from the dusty corners of se- 
clusion, we have resolved upon putting our " oar " into 
the watery subject, to guess a spell as well as they. 
Well then, since geologists are satisfied that the quantity 
of water on the earth's surface has not varied, nor, as 
a general rule, encroached upon the land during the 

past 2000 years, it is proof abundant that oceans and 
seas must be shallowing gradually. For, our large 

rivers displace annually an immense amount of water, 



Shallowinq of Seas. 85 

by forming deltas and drifting down into the deep re- 
cesses of the sea millions upon millions of tons of solid 
matter, which would keep the sea continually slopping 
over (I stole this phrase from Pixley) somewhere, 
were it not that a quantity about equal to the amount 
so displaced undergoes change — a change which we 
shall hereafter refer to — and so makes room for the 
drift, without altering landmarks materially. It is cer- 
tainly true that the sea upon several occasions has 
made terrible inroads upon the land on the west coast 
of Europe, and other localities, but in the great major- 
ity of cases, the ground has all been recovered again. 
So that for one acre still remaining submerged, since 
men became intelligent enough to keep a record of 
such matters, a thousand instead that we know of have 
been reclaimed. When reflecting then on the vast 
quantity of water displaced annually by the agencies 
referred to, and on the fact that the ocean as a general 
rule never has permanently submerged one-tenth of 
the territory it has been forced to yield up, we are 
forced into the conclusion that it must be relieved in 
some way other than those with which we have been 
made acquainted. 

In the rude ages men loved the marvelous, and so 
do all rude people at the present day, but thinking 
men seldom let false theories render them blind to 
facts. Of late years it has been observed that many 
ancient harbors and channels have become shallow ; 
that estuaries for the most part have been converted 
into dry land, and that when, owing to the subsidence 
of the main ocean, a small body of water becomes iso- 
1 ated as in the case of the Dead Sea for instance, it 



86 Paddy Pungent. 

evaporates very rapidly, and leaves on the ground be- 
hind it an " alkali," or saline incrustation. Owing to 
its early isolation and consequent evaporation, the 
Bead Sea is now 1300 feet below the level of the 
Mediterranean, and on its borders extensive marshes 
and plains are found, covered with films of salt. 
Similar saline deposits are found at various points on 
the great American plains, but principally in the nu- 
merous basins which lie between the Sierra Nevada 
and Rocky Mountains. 

It is only of late years that surveys and soundings 
have afforded any data for comparison, but since they 
have been made correctly, the Adriatic, the Baltic, 
the Arabian G-ulf, and many other inland seas present 
proofs of the gradual shallowing of seas. If we had 
such data for 6000 years to build our reasoning on, the 
result might be much more convincing and satisfactory. 
It is now a fact well known, that the Isthmus of Suez 
is double the width it was in the days of Herodotus, 
and that it is still gaining gradually, both on the Medi- 
terranean and Red sea sides. Heroopolis, in the days 
of Herodotus was on the coast, now it is nearly in the 
centre of the Isthmus; and the harbor of Suez, in which 
a fleet once floated, is now high and dry. Besides the 
ruins of all the ancient ports in those parts are now 
found far inland, and still bearing the same names as 
the present ones. In several parts of Europe, also, 
towns or the ruins of towns, once on the coast, are at 
this moment removed miles from the sea shore ; but 
this is less remarkable in a country where the faith of 
the early Christians removed mountains, and where by 
virtue of "the faith that was in him," a good saint 



Beds of Ancient Seas. 87 

might dispatch a maritime town on a " mission " to the 
interior. It is, however, a received opinion among 
geologists, that the whole continent of Europe was at 
one time, the bed of an immense sea, but in order that 
science may not become all at once too " hostile " to 
revelation, they continue to say that probably a great 
continent was then in the place where the Pacific ocean 
is to-day spread. The fact is, nevertheless, that the 
quantity of water on the surface of the earth is " grow- 
ing small by degrees and beautifully less." Ancient 
Tyre, once on the sea, is now far inland, and the ruins 
of ancient Sidon are no more on the coast, but miles 
from it, the modern town having been removed. On the 
south coast of Asia Minor, ancient havens are filled up, 
islands joined to the main land, and the whole conti- 
nent has increased in extent, since the days of Strabo, 
and the land so gained is stone, not loose deposits. 
Again, the Caspian Sea is 300 feet lower than the 
Black Sea, and on its nothwestern shores, a level tract 
of land abounding in saline plants, and containing 
stratified shells of a species quite common in the adjoin- 
ing sea, stretches far away to an inland cliff, at the 
base of which an ancient beach is observed. Pallas 
has even observed, that the old line of sandy country 
between the Caspian Sea and the Sea of Azof, indicates 
an ancient strait which connected those two seas 
together, while to the east there are similar indications 
of connection with the salt lake of Aral. 

On the American Continent, signs of the action of 
tides and currents are almost everywhere observable, 
in valleys and on mountains, as well as on the plains 
and prairies, where the furrows made by the action of 



88 Paddy Pungent, 

the waves, Lave been mistaken for the traces of the plow- 
share. Various theories have been put forth by scien- 
tific men, in explanation of the presence of so many- 
large saline deposits in the desert basins between the 
Sierra Nevada range of mountains and the Mississippi 
river. The most popular one, and deservedly so, is 
that at some remote period these extensive plains were 
covered by a sea of salt water. But many of those who 
would cling to this very truthful theory, destroy what- 
ever credit posterity might be compelled to give them for 
penetration, and scientific common sense, by attaching 
to it the very absurd " elevation " theory — a theory 
altogether untenable. Most of this sea water has, by 
the energy and activity of marine animals, been 
changed into solid rock, and the remainder, as will be 
shown hereafter, evaporated, leaving behind an ^'alkali " 
or saline incrustation. It is very evident that, not- 
withstanding the vast quantities of fresh water pouring 
annually into the Great Salt Lake in Utah, its waters 
become more dense — more impregnated with salt every 
season, as the quantity of water in the great basin 
grows gradually less. And it will at no distant day, 
become simply a " sink," so called, for Bear River, 
just as Owen's, Carson's and Humboldt's lakes are at 
the present time thought to be sinks for the rivers 
which bear their names. 

But the action of the return trade winds has proved 
the fallacy of the term " sink *' as generally understood. 
The capacity of these heated and expanded winds for 
licking up moisture is so immense, that large volumes 
of water that would form fertilizing rivers and expan- 
sive lakes, are swallowed to appease their insatiable 



American Mountain Lakes. 89 

thirst, and thus a large extent of country that would 
otherwise " bloom and blossom like the rose," is con- 
verted into a wide waste of rocks, salt and sand. The 
waters of the Humboldt Lake for instance, do not sink, 
as is generally supposed, in the desert, to spring up 
again at lower levels hundreds of miles away from 
where they seem to disappear. Taking its rise 
among the mountains, the volume of water, as it 
emerges from the rocky ravines is at first large, but as 
it struggles on through the desert, these hot winds 
lick it up at every step, until at length a sickly stream 
no longer able to maintain the unequal contest, it at last 
resolves itself into a muddy pool, preparatory to tak- 
ing its final departure for the clouds. 

Some of these American mountain lakes are full with 
salt to saturation, while others contain very little, and 
this difference has led many to suppose that there must 
be some causes purely local, to produce it, but if they 
would only take into consideration the boundaries and 
depth of the original basins, and the direction of the 
winds referred to, they would not have to speculate so 
freely in local causes. The same parties would have 
us believe that there are no other traces of ocean de- 
posits or products, beyond the deposits of salt, to ad- 
mit -of the classification of the country as the bed of an 
ancient sea. The fact is, however, that there are many 
valuable and extensive salt beds in Nevada State; 
that petrified fish and stratified shells abound on the 
sides and summits of the hills which hem in the plains of 
which we speak ; that shale strata are found to a great 
depth in various localities on the Pacific slope, and 
that the very stone to be found in large quantities 



90 Paddy Pungent. 

throughout the State of Nevada, is composed of a col- 
lection of skeletons of shell- fish, hardened into solid 
rock hj time and pressure — into a rock which, when 
burned into lime, makes excellent manure for the land. 
May we not then in all fair play set those shell-fish 
down as the first inhabitants of Nevada 1 I pause, as 
the preachers say, for a reply. 

As their successors, the plants and land animals of 
to-day, live to change the very atmosphere which they 
inhale, into solid matter — into wood and bone — so 
they in their day and generation lived to change 
water — -the element in which they lived, moved, and 
had their being — into solid rock. By the silent action 
of land animals, plants and fish, this world is at present 
gradually growing in size. The coal which we now 
use for fuel, and which may have remained in a solid 
form for millions of years, was originally wood, and 
that wood was formed principally from the elements of 
the atmosph(&re, and when burned, it returns again to 
the atmosphere in the shape of carbonic acid. So it is 
with all land animals. They, too, obtain their weight 
and bulk, partly from the vegetables which they con- 
sume, and partly from the air which they breathe, and 
when they die their decomposed bodies are appro- 
priated by growing vegetables, which in turn are de- 
voured by other animals, but the gaseous portion 
always returns to the atmosphere. 

Through the agency of its animal and vegetable 
productions, the solid matter on the surface of our 
earth is therefore increasing in bulk at the expense of 
the atmosphere and water. This brief statement of 
facts — hard facts — should give us a good idea of the 



Marine Animals. 91 

origin of the salt deposits on the American plains, on the 
desert Gibbi, and in many other localities, while 
thousands, of others might be related to prove that 
the Banks of Newfoundland over which we have 
lately sailed, will one day sun themselves in the open 
air. About this time the Panama Raih'oad, over 
which a good many of us have traveled too, will have 
to be extended at both ends, down to the sea ; and, 
leaving the rest of the lovely Bay of San Francisco un- 
der the management of the State "Swamp Land Commis- 
sioners," the Sacramento River will run directly 
through the Golden Gate. Many no doubt, would 
wish to enquire as to where the water will go, but they 
should first find out where the water that covered the 
" tops of the highest hills/' has gone to, as the trifle 
that yet remains will in all probability disappear in 
the same way. If they cannot satisfy themselves on 
this point they can go to — the Poles, and there find 
considerable of it piled away in the shape of ice and 
snow. But besides the large quantities of water 
stowed away every season where it would seem the 
earth has been " flattened " purposely for its reception 
and above the " snow line" on mountains, there are 
other powerful agencies at work converting fluids into 
solids. 

Those morsels of animated jelly and atoms of pulp, 
the coral polypes, sluggish and seemingly helpless as 
they appear, are hard at work in annually increasing 
numbers, filling up the bed of the Pacific ; that is, 
changing its waters, first into animated jelly, and then 
into coral rock. 

Then we have the diatomaceae, another class of 



92 Paddy Pungent. 

marine animals— a class which forms a great part of the 
bed of the ocean. The Victoria Barrier in the Arctic 
Ocean, four hundred miles long, by one hundred and 
twenty broad, is composed of this class of creatures, 
and yet so inconceivably small are they, that a vessel 
of one cubic inch capacity avouM hold five millions of 
them. But small and insignificant as they appear, 
they have to perform great wonders in the deep, and 
the success with which they accomplish their mission is 
truly marvelous. In the Bay of Bengal and Indian 
Ocean generally their presence streaks the water with 
patches of yellowish light, and gives to its surface the 
consistency of thick oil, and even here on the coast of 
California the ocean often assumes a deep vermilion 
color from the myriads of bright animalculse which 
float about in its depths. It is therefore, I think, very 
evident that the waters are being gradually changed 
into solid matter ; but as the change takes place slowly, 
silently, and in a manner almost beyond our compre- 
hension, we have been led to adopt wrong notions on 
the subject. 

The simplest facts of ordinary and familiar knowl- 
e dge are the growth of ages, yet through thousands of 
errors, the truth at last fights its way into the human 
mind. Men in the olden time pursued traditional 
theory rather than investigated phenomena, and just 
as often went wrong as they went right. But all this 
is now being rapidly changed. All the old time sophis- 
tries are fast becoming as bubbles in the sunshine that 
burst and break with every breath we draw, therefore 
the most interesting chapter in the history of human 
knowledge will be the one which records the history of 



Real Progress. 93 

our progress from the unknown and mysterious to the 
known and familiar. When this chapter shall have 
been completed, and the development of human knowl- 
edge shall have been compared carefully with its pres- 
ent and future proportions, we will then, but not till 
then, understand how much we owe to those persever- 
ing and progressive souls that followed up the labor of 
making us wise. To illustrate this, it is only necessary 
to glance at the history of the past and present condi- 
tion of the most useful to humanity of all modern 
sciences — the science of medicine. 

Harvey, by the discovery of the circulation of the 
blood, gave to medical knowledge the first great im- 
pulse which has made it a boon and a blessing to man- 
kind, and the progress of the human mind towards 
truth is no where better exemplified. We all know 
now that the blood is the great source of preservation 
of the animal organism, but when we know at the same 
time, that man had to wait until he had become devel- 
oped into a rational being before he could make any such 
discovery, simple as it is, what are we to think of the 
random ravings and stone-scratchings of men, — call 
them prophets or apostles, or what you will — who did 
not know that the blood circulated in their veins % From 
Harvey's doctrine there are now no " dissenters," be- 
cause having no perplexing or conflicting *' mysteries " 
about it, it rests securely on simple truth and common 
sense. Could a greater lesson be taught us for the 
reproof of our vanity and arrogance than this one 
learned from the records of anatomy ? 

Another valuable one might, however, be learned 
from the history of human costume. A trousseau for 



94 Paddy Pungent. 

the fairest of fair beings was once obtainable from a 
tree, and there are still portions of the earth's surface 
where there is a detestation of tailoring dexterity pre- 
vailing to an extent that would delight even the Men- 
kin,— where lovers, and persons of the most undoubted 
standing in society, promenade in the most "permis- 
cuous " manner with no other superfluity of costume 
than an umbrella. 

Hercules has been frequently represented wearing a 
lion's skin, and Hyppolita, who was a queen and con- 
sequently, a pink of fashion in her day and generation, 
delighted in a garment of leopard's hide, and for a 
bonnet had adopted the skin of a smaller animal. 
Fond of ornament and trappings like her sex, she, 
according to the portrait to which we are indebted for 
our knowledge of the lady, considered that the pendant 
legs of the animal were most becoming, and so we find 
them dangling upon each side of her head. Looking 
then upon dress with a philosophic glance, we think 
there is a great deal of instruction in the cut of a coat, or 
" love of a bonnet," as we are foolish enough to believe 
that the first fashion in such things was a "pretty 
thing " in skins. 

Professional theorists and theologians will always 
continue to snarl at and denounce innovations of every 
shade, but as we said at the outset we must not mind 
them. Lofty Christian inferences and unlimited re- 
ligious pretensions have, to use a theatrical term, 
nearly played themselves out, and man is fast coming 
to understand that he has nothing cosmical or univer- 
sal in his nature; that he is a mere earth-born and 
earth-bound creature, and that such he must ever re- 



Progress from Soils to Men. 95 

main in spite of all theological speculations, poetic 
fancies, lofty contemplations, and unlimited preten- 
sions. In infinite space and unending time all sub- 
stances and forces are creative, and the transition of 
certain substances into other forms has simply been 
Tn.\^i8i\Qniov origination. Nothing in organic or in- 
organic nature is permanent. Everything moves in 
an eternal circle of change. 

There was a time when all nature was represented 
in rocks, and the atmosphere which surrounded them. 
By analysis these rocks are newfound to be composed 
of sixty-four primaries, which accord analytically with 
the composition of all known substances — with all the 
substances that may be analytically separated from 
men, animals or plants. Philosophers, however, say 
that they cannot comprehend the process by which 
these primaries have combined, so as to eventuate in 
man as a climax to the operations of natural law, but 
the mystery is withal very easily explained. For ages 
these rocks sent forth a debris, and thus have soils 
been formed from rocks of all kinds, in which are rep- 
resented all of the sixty-four primaries. Atmospheric 
influences then created the conditions necessary for 
organic growth, and as a consequence, this has been 
continually occurring. The lower class of plants re- 
ceive directly from the rocks, lime, soda, potash, etc., 
and upon their decay all these are again deposited in 
the soil in a ts^oy^ progressed ox improved condition. 
They are now capable of entering into formations of a 
Uglier class of plants. When these again decay they 
are in turn still further progressed, and thus they in 
turn form j?ar^ of a still higher class of plants. Now 



96 Paddy Pungent. 

■when any two of these primaries are combined in a 
progressed state, they present still newer functions, 
not common to either alone, and thus all changes in or- 
ganic \\iQjro7n soils to men, have occurred. Is it won- 
derful, then, under, the circumstance, that we should 
have several thousands of religious forms of worship, 
with the blind adherents of each form believing that 
all the rest are going straight to destruction. And all 
these religious theories are carefully formed to be- 
wilder where they cannot satisfy, yet in every in- 
stance belief or disbelief must depend on the will. 
Without subjugating the understanding to the will, a 
belief in the doctrines of Christianity, for instance, is 
utterly impossible. No such belief can be attained 
through the understanding, or by any process of 
reasoning. If the idea be pleasing and be taught to 
us in early life, it is very easy for us to persuade our- 
selves of the truth of any doctrine, no matter how 
absurd, but it would be almost impossible for another 
to convince us that they are in the right, and that we 
are in the wrong, in opposition to the bias of our in- 
clination. To convince a man against his will, never 
was and in all probability never will be an easy 
matter. 

But with the progress of knowledge, and the advance 
of popular ideas, men's notions of religous forms and 
formulas change, and with them, churches Tnust also 
change, or the people, who cannot exist without some 
fascinating delusion, will pitch their inevitable taber- 
nacles outside of them. The position of the modern 
spiritualist for instance, is in his relation to the present 
age very much like the position of the ancient Christian 



Religions' Change 97 

in regard to the popular systems of worship then pre- 
vailing. At the time Christianity first made its appear- 
ance in the world, all the more cultivated minds had 
discarded the old systems of belief in the gods and 
goddesses of the prevailing mythology. But the general 
disbelief of the common fancies concerning the Elysian 
fields, and the realms of Hades and Tartarus created 
a want— a want which Christianity met, and satisfied 
in a way that was both new and novel. Communica- 
tion between men and women still living in their 
earthly bodies and the lamented dead was at once 
established to the complete satisfaction of all believers 
in Christ. Now then, as before the introduction of 
Christianity, there was among thinking men a general 
decay of faith in the existing creeds of popular wor- 
ship ; so there is among the thinking world of to-day 
no active earnest faith in the leading tenets of Christian- 
ity. This decay of faith is both wide spread and deep, 
and out of the general skepticism has arisen now as of 
old an earnest feeling of want — a want which, as is 
claimed by the friends of progress, spiritualism meets 
and answers. The testimony of hundreds and thous- 
ands of upright, credible and intelligent men and 
women can be had, who are ready to assert and swear 
to the reality of their personal communications with 
departed friends who are long dead. The same evi- 
dence, therefore, upon which the Christian theories rest 
for belief, is now presented in favor of spiritualism. 
So those who feel morally bound to give a hearing to 
the evidence of the spiritual seers of eighteen centuries 
ago, who then professed to bring direct news from the 
invisible world, must in self-consistency feel eq[ually 

5 



9 8 Paddy Pungent. 

bound to give heed to the like evidenco offered them at 
the present day. 

Religious forms of worship have so changed aiid per- 
ished since the earliest period — since man could first 
scratch on a stone, or stoop to think; and they must 
ever continue to do, so since every possible human 
attempt at the conception of a God, must continue 
futile. And as for the " footstool," it has undoubtedly 
undergone a great many changes too, while the innu- 
merable swarms of creatures which, from time to time, 
have crawled around it, and assisted in bringing about 
each successive change, were in turn for their pains 
swept into oblivion. 

Geologists have classified the periods between these 
successive changes into what they call "ages," and 
they thus sum up the history of their progress. The 
first, or Azoic age, when there was no life on the globe. 
The Silurian age, when shells or mollusks, corals and 
trilobites abounded in the oceans ; when the conti- 
nents were almost beneath the salt waters, and wla.en 
there was no terrestrial life. The Devonian age, when 
fishes were found in the waters, and when the lands 
though yet small, began to be covered with vegetation. 
The Carboniferous age, when the land was densely 
overgrown with, trees, shrubs and smaller plants, of 
the remains of which plants the great coal beds were 
made. In animal life there were now various amphib- 
. ians and some reptiles of inferior tribes. The Reptilian 
age, when reptiles were exceedingly abundant, and the 
Mammalian age, when the reptiles had dwindled, and 
quadrupeds were in great size and numbers over the 
continents. Here the "lords of creation" put in an ap- 



Minuteness of Animat Life. 99 

pearance, and thus slowly and silently one thing melt- 
ed into another thing, just as a pollywog becomes a 
frog when time pulls its tail off. And this constant 
changing and mingling of one thing with another has, 
while furnishing him with everlasting employment, 
puzzled my friend the naturalist very much. It is 
however true that he has on several occasions made 
up his mind that he was master of the situation, and 
that he could tell the "tother from which;" but, sad to 
say, something, if only the discovery of an America 
or an Australia, came in to confound his inquiries. As 
spontaneous generation still goes on, nature could eas- 
ily multiply faster than he could count. Nature is per- 
petually presenting us with numerous instances of min- 
ute subdivisions of animal life— subdivisions which ut- 
terly baffle our powers of conception. 

Leewenhock tells us that there are more animals in 
the milt of a single codfish than men in the whole 
earth, and that a single grain of sand is larger than 
four thousand of them. Besides, it is ascertained by 
the microscope, that the smallest insects with which 
we are acquainted, are themselves infested with other 
insects as much smaller than themselves, as those are 
smaller than the larger animals which they infest. 
How inconceivably small then must be the parts of 
such organized creatures. But by analogy we may 
carry our reasoning still farther, by conceiving that 
even these creatures may again be infested with others 
proportionally smaller, until we are more lost in the 
scale of descent, than we are in that of ascent through 
the regions of the universe. Our most powerful micro- 
scopes enable us to magnify with eflPect only forty or 



100 Paddy Pun gent. 

fifty thousand times, whereas the atoms concerned in 
producing the phenomena of life are doubtless millions 
of times less than the smallest object which can be 
seen with the naked eye. Hence, the creation of the 
world, as it is called, and the laws of organization, con- 
found the inquiries of men. Animal life exists and 
flourishes everywhere, and under all circumstances. 
Shrimps are found inhabiting the reservoirs of concen- 
trated brine in salt works. Fish have been found in 
subterraneous lakes, and insects flourish in boiling 
springs. Parasites not only inhabit the bodies of ani- 
mals used by us for food, but they are also found in 
abundance in our own organizations. The *' species " 
trinchina spiralis about which so much has been said, 
and whose existance has been discovered in pork, is 
according to our best anatomists found in almost every 
muscle of the human body. An English authority 
tells us that it is a notorious fact that numerous par- 
asites do crawl over our surface, burrow beneath our 
skin, nestle in our entrails, and riot and propagate 
their kind in every corner of our frame. Indeed there 
is scarcely an organ in the human body free from their 
inroads ! and all these creatures, from the smallest to the 
largest animal with which we are acquainted might, with 
their master man, exclaim : " Am I not fearfully and 
wonderfully made !" liife in a word may be set down 
as a misnomer, a mysterious mysticism, if we may use 
the expression. For we cannot conceive the smallness 
of the atoms which may and do conspire to build up 
our organized animals, no more than we can measure 
the extent to which these animals may in time grow. 
Our ignorance is never more clearly exposed than 



UTie Laiv of Adapiihility 101 

when we are called upon to account for some of tho* 
commonest facts that lie around us. Yet man, the silly- 
fly on the wheel, is satisfied that the earth, and every- 
thing that grows, crawls and creeps on its surface, was 
made and placed there for his exclusive benefit, while 
like all other things connected with it, he must 
be here only by the force of the immutable law of 
adaptability. 

In the far famed caves of Kentucky and Trieste, rats, 
bats and fishes are found without eyes; because as 
there, in those deep and dark places, eyes to them 
would have been a superfluity, nature consistently 
withheld them, not for the fulfilment of any great pur- 
pose that we can see, but simply for sake of consist- 
ency. Again, Fungi are found at all depths and eleva 
tions, in the bottoms of the deepest mines, and on the 
tops of the highest mountains. They flourish alike on 
the roughest, the smoothest, the warmest and the cold- 
est surfaces. They enter our houses, and eat up our 
floors and furniture until the wood rots, and the air 
becomes loaded with impure exhalations. Behold then, 
the green slime, which abounds on the surface of stag- 
nant pools of water, under the microscope. Such a 
wonderful aggregate of life as it presents, such myriads 
of little organisms, each perfect in its way, and well 
fitted to perform its peculiar function. All these little 
illustrations of the law of adaptability with many others 
that might be added, certainly argue that circumstances 
control the creature. But familiarity we know leads 
to indifference, and breeds contempt. Who, for instance, 
would stop to think of the little black house fly with 
which we ought to be so familiar 1 Scarcely anybody 



102 Paddy Pungeni, 

thinks of it but as a pest, for wliicli the brush and 
poisoned fly-paper are considered ; good enough ; yet, 
its history is in itself a chapter of marvels. Nature 
js, however, complete master of the situation. Begin- 
ning with the most simple forms, she can by adding to 
them gradually and successively in substance, cunning 
and energy, at length bring out a compound perfect 
structure. In this way, after the lapse of ages— ages 
that can never be; counted — she has brought forth 
creatures capable of keeping records. Commencing 
with simple scratches on stones, the tendency to pro- 
gressive improvement brought them gradually to copper 
-plates, and then step by step, to type-setting, and tele- 
graphing. But the progress of the human family does 
not end here. The same silent impulse which has 
carried man so far, will almost unconsciously, as the 
earth, and everything terrestrial, advances towards 
iinother changing point, surely and still more rapidly 
jbdng him to other marvelous pursuits and discoveries. 
Jn other words, the human race will, until another 
^great; change sets in, continue to grow in numbers, 
stature and knowledge. ■ 

This is, we know for two reasons, not a very popu- 
lar tale, first because it does not flatter our vanity, and 
secondly because it contradicts traditional prejudices, 
but before men undertake to pronounce it absurd or 
unreasonable, they should, among other things equally 
important, be prepared to prove that men were as tall 
and as intellectual in the days when stone-scratching 
was one of the highest possible attainments as they 
are at the present time. Believing however, that the 
bones of an Egyptian mummy would appear as dirai- 



Fossil Remains of Men 103 

nutive beside those of a modem Missouri bush- 
whacker as stone-stratching would appear crude in the 
presence of modern typography, we cling to our 
opinion that man has gained his present height and 
intelligent position by slow and toilsome steps ; that 
so long as he was compelled to use his hands as a lo- 
comotive organ he could not keep a record, and hence 
the obscurity in which the early history of the hu- 
man family is involved ; that his superior cunning 
gave him at an early day the mastery over all other 
animals, thereby reducing the struggle for power to a 
conflict with his own species, and that in a word, the 
human family has grown, and must still continue to 
grow,, generation after generation, in power, stature, 
and knowledge. And therefore by the time that our 
present swarms of men and animals shall have gone 
through as many generations in progressive improve- 
ment as have those monsters of men and mastodons 
whose fossil remains we meet with at every turn, the 
latter will not have much to boast over them in bulk 
and bones. 

Now the silent testimony of these fossil remains of 
men and animals prove beyond cavil that this earth 
was once inhabited by a strange race of men and mon- 
strous animals now extinct. It is only a few months 
since some miners right here in Oalifornia discovered in 
a state of perfect preservation the bones of a fossil 
elephant — a creature twice the dimensions of the ele- 
phant now existing — and close beside them the bones 
and skulls of human beings, whose statures, calculating 
from these remains, must have been at least eleven 
feet high. Then we have the bones of the mastodon, 



104 Taddij Pungent. 

an animal smaller than the fossil elephant, but still 
larger than any living creature known to naturalists. 
These, together with many more gigantic remains, are 
tangible witnesses from mysterious ages — ages to 
which the mind of man only turns in bewildering im- 
agination. 

Here then, without entering the realms of specula- 
tion, without any guessing whatever, we have proof 
that human beings, eleven feet high, strolled around 
these large mountains of the West sometime cotempo- 
rary with their formation. And when this is so, who 
will say that they did not speculate in "feet" there 
long before Father Adam began to poke fun at the 
blushing Eve amid the "groves of blarney" — when 
this is so, who shall say that this earth may not again, 
after another sweeping change, give birth to and sus- 
tain another progressive swarm, long years after we, 
with all our vagary and vanity, shall have returned 
"to the vile dust from whence we sprung." 

Of course, we cannot determine with certainty the 
nature of those antediluvian steeple-like specimens of 
humanity, but we are lead to believe that they were 
more given to matrimony than to single blessedness, 
and that they, like their successors, labored earnestly 
for the propagation of their species. For who could 
think of remaining single up to the age of five hundred 
years, whiJe huge young maidens by the hundred re- 
mained without husbands. However, if some of 
these strange men were disposed to remain single, 
their punishment must have been humiliating in the 
extreme, for, besides being deprived of the ordinary 
privileges of married men, to see the enormous noses 



Choice of Selection. 105 

which the gigantic ladies of their day certainly pos- 
sessed, turned up at them, must have been very se- 
vere punishment indeed, but mild enough it may be 
for an antediluvian old bachelor. 

The foregoing being all mere conjecture, all that we 
can say now is, that notwithstanding their stature, 
they were men and women, and no doubt participated 
in the feelings common to all humanity, and so, of 
course, their huge noses may have been only too 
often turned up at their neighbor. The growth from a 
simple to a compound organization — from a moth to a 
mastodon, as we may say — is necessarily slow, being 
the result of what naturalists call '^choice of selection." 
This choice of selection is still going on silently, and 
sometimes unconsciously, for nature works blindly but 
- spontaneously. He must indeed be a curious man, 
and one cut out exclusively for a disreputable old 
bachelor, who would not admire a bright, healthy eye, 
a portly figure, a neat foot and a well turned ankle, in 
a lady acq[uaintance ; while, at the same time, she 
would not be a woman if she, in turn, did not admire 
a " well made man." Not to speak of the rabbits and 
bears which, according to Widow Machree's admirer, 
agree in couples and go in pairs, or of the little 
English male shrew mice, which murder each other in 
the spring about the sweetest and most interesting 
she, the very little birds among the boughs twitter 
and flirt and exercise this choice while mating in the 
spring. Naturalists tell us that where two little 
"roosters" are birdish enough to fall in love with one 
of the " female persuasion," the little damsel coyly 
keeps both in suspense for some time, and then starts 
5* 



106 Paddy Pungent. 

them in to sing " Birdie won't you pet in my cage," 
turn about, and that lie who sings it the sweetest is 
sure to become, for better for worse, her man of 
men. Musical attainments cannot, however, be the 
sole standard by 'which nature measures the creatures 
which she encourages to take part in the great progres- 
sive ra,ce, for the cow, which has never yet distin- 
guished herself for melody, is made to march close up 
to: the front rank, threatening, if she keeps on, to come 
up some day, in bulk arid bones, to the mastodon 
standard. Lord Spencer and others have cleverly 
show, us how the cattle of England have, in the short 
space of three hundred years, increased nearly one- 
third in weight, beauty and; stature. This, to be sure, 
was under the intelligent eye of man ; but, although 
nature works blindly, she will quietly and slowly ac- 
complish all that she can be brought to do quickly 
when guided by intelligence. 

In following up this natural inclination to mate 
with something superior, we find, as before observed, 
that it extends to the human family, and that the 
countries wherein this , choice, so natural in itself, 
could be exercised with the greatest freedom, have 
ever been the most enterprising, powerful and pro- 
gressive. It was the free amalgamation of different 
races and tribes of men within their borders, that 
made ancient Rome "Mistress of the World," and 
modern England "Mistress of the Seas;" and the 
same free, but still more extensive amalgamation, at 
present going on in these United States, will one day 
make of America the controling nation. With her 
free and fertile soil, free amalgamation and ever 



Effects of Amalgamation. 107 

ennobling institutions, there is no eartlily power, polit- 
ical or moral, that can prevent America from becom- 
ing a dictator in the affairs of the world. With a naval 
station on the shore of the Mediterranean, and a 
steam fleet in the Baltic, within a few hours sail of the 
coast of Ireland, all Uncle Sam will have to do will be 
to play the old divide and conquer game. The 
democracy of Europe will stand by the stars and 
stripes, and in return, the star spangled banner will 
sustain the democracy of Europe. What a fate, my 
friends, awaits the old monarchies of Europe. 

But in order that this shall be so, the great mass of 
the American people must see to it that the party in 
power mainta.ins honestly arid faithfully, the dignity, 
integrity and unity of the nation, and that the high 
tribunals of the land do not disgrace themselves by 
domestic party intrigues. Attend to '. this, men of 
America, and the career of your country will indeed 
be a glorious one. Neglect it, and contintie. to fanati- 
cally worship the political dragon which would gather 
in its deadly coil all the peace, beauty and promise of 
your country, and there will be an evil end to such 
mad party worship. 

I have been led in to this brief lecture, partly 
because I love America and wish her to remain a bea- 
con light to the oppressed of all nations, and partly 
because the American people are a living illustration 
of my theory. Besides being taller than the people 
of the Old World — than the |)eople from whom they 
have sprung — -they are smarter, shrewder, more enter- 
prising and more inventive, and have fairly won the 
advance of all other nations in everything that is to 
revolutionize the world. 



108 Paddy Pungent. 

If we look toward the Old World — to England for 
example — we at once observe how easy it is to distin- 
guish a "plebeian" from a peer of the realm, and how 
wide the chasm that there yawns between classes. 
There, living in the same land and breathing the 
same air, we find two classes of men, so distinct in 
their features and form that they might be mistaken 
for dijBferent races. The one is a tall, noble, intellect- 
ual looking set of men, in features, manners and mind 
not at all below the American standard ; while the 
creatures that form the other class are as coarse, 
dumpy and degraded beings as could be found any- 
where outside of the "fast anchored isle." What has 
caused all this momentous difference in such a com- 
paratively short space of time as the history of the 
English classes runs through ? There is only one 
way by which we can fairly account for it : Money 
gradually circumscribed the range of free choice in 
marriage. -'Having to struggle for an existence, "Bill" 
was compelled to mate with "Biddy" because Miss 
Maria Matilda would not "stoop so low to lift so little." 
Poor Biddy and Bill did their level best to live 
and propagate their species, but their offspring were 
not what they would have been had either had the 
chance to cohabit among a higher class of creatures. 
Here, circumstances have deprived the parents of a 
free choice outside of a certain circle, and so posterity 
must suffer for their misfortune ; and this is another 
and a very strong proof that circumstances control 
the creature. But we might still follow our reasoning 
down the English sliding scale until the range of 
choice becomes so very narrow that, in order to taste 



The Furgatorial Isle. 109 

at all of the pleasures of life, the gipsies and ballad- 
singers are compelled to mate with relations. The 
offspring of such a marriage must of course, accord- 
ing to nature's immutable law, be an idiot, or an imbe- 
cile creature at best. Hence we have in these old 
countries many born idiots, while we will look in vain 
for anything like a proportionate number in countries 
where amalgamation or a free choice of selection in 
marriage has full play. On the other hand, the an- 
cestors of modern "blood and culture" were rich, and 
moving as they did in the "best circles," they had 
only to say to Miss Bouncer or Miss Beautiful "Come," 
and she would come quickly. So we have to-day men 
of " noble" and men of "plebian" blood, whose com- 
mon origin no one can doubt. Which party has most 
iron or other traces of mother earth in their composi- 
tion has never been satisfactorally settled, but it will 
not, I suppose, be disputed that all have sprung from 
the soil on which, as the case may be, they sweat or 
swagger. A free choice in marriage, untrammeled by 
religious prejudices or money matters, is undoubtedly 
the principal pillar of progress, and it should there- 
fore be carefully encouraged. Nature says so, and 
we all know that nature cannot be disobeyed with im- 
punity. 

We have all heard, over and over again, how the 
Jews were "once" the superior and "chosen" race, and 
how they have contributed largely in their day to- 
ward the extermination of "inferiors," but whether 
they have continued to lead, in stature and intellect, 
the nations, or lagged behind in the progressive race, 
is for themselves to judge. For our part, seeing that 



110 Paddy Pungent. 

they have the good taste to worship within their syn- 
agogues, and to sensibly avoid all attempts at thrust - 
ing their opinions down the public throat, we would 
not let fall one word that would have the tendency io 
touch, irreverently, the religion or policy of that pe- 
culiar people. However, in order to be consistent, we 
cannot avoid reminding the Jew as well as the Gren- 
tile, that no matter how opposed, human progress is a 
current that cannot be stemmed. Struggle for power 
and even. for existence as we may and must, still 
onward, ever onward, is progressive nature's first com- 
mand ; and therefore the party or race of men that wil- 
fully retires from her advancing columns to seek the 
shade of prejudice and superstition, must in time, 
like puny plants in a forest when deprived of light 
and air, lose every impulse bordering on greatness. 

And thus the inevitable gap about which we have 
been talking will be continually wideining, while many 
honest, well-meaning men will be inveigled into as- 
sisting in works of uncharitableness by fat gentlemen 
of every faith, who think they have a right to make 
everybody do as they desire, and who know only too 
well how to tack on the Christian label to a wicked 
and spiteful work. 

Patient reader, I ask your pardon for this broken 
and rambling production, in which, while writing much 
for my own amusement, I have said a great many 
things of set purpose for your benefit. If you are 
satisfied, then I am well pleased; but if you do not 
like my little book, I shall be very sorry, for the less 
you like it, the more I know you need it. 

The reader is now referred to page 113. 



IMLlPOt^TEK^S 



AND 



TI^HOLES^I^E J3I£:^IL.E^S.S 



IN 









BIL..A.lSriS: BOOISIS^ 



Ledger, Bill Head and Wrapping Papers, 



F»APER BAG^S, 



PMITiaS^ SAIDS •& GMB BMEB, 



SCHOOL BOOKS, CHEAP PUBLICATIONS, 

Juvenile and Toy Books, Etc. 



Orders from Country Merchants solicited, to which spe- 
cial attention is given. 

- SAN FRANCISCO. 
Ill 



The Best for all Grades of Work. 



'9 



mi 



>mmtwm 



TO 



THE HOWE MACHINE CO, 

For Best Machines for General Use, 

AND 



FOR WORK DONE ON THE HOWE MACHINE, 

WERE AWARDED TO EXHIBITORS 

•At the State Pair held at Saratoga, New York, 

September 11th to 14tli, 1866. 
ALSO, 

Uew England Late Improved Hand MacMnes, 

Price ^1^. 



H, A. DEMING, 

No. 137 Kearny Street, Southwest corner of Sutter St. 
Agent for the Pacific Coast. 

J. W. NYE. D. E. ALLISON. 

NYE & ALLISON, 



AND OENERAL. 




No. 219 Washington Street, corner of Cedar, 

Between Front and Davis, 

Consignmenta solicited, and orders promptly attended to. 
112 



PACIFIC HYGEIAI HOME! 

"V^ATER. CURE, 

LOCATED AT 

M¥STAffi MEM, MM MKUI&. 



Conducted by the PACIFIC HYGEIAN HOME ASSOCIATION, (Incorporated.) 
President and Consulting Physician. 

n. IS. ]m:a.C33e:ti-i, ive. X!>o, 

Vice-President and Resident Physician. 

Treasurer and Manager. 
Secretary and Business Agent 



Office, Eattis, Gymnasium and Lecture Hall, No. 627 Sacramento street. 
Bet. Montgomery and Kearny. 



This is now the only Health Institute in California for Gentlemen and 
Lady patients that is conducted by EEGULAR GEADUATES of the 
Hydropathic or HYGEIO-THEEAPEUTIC COLLEGE OF NEW YOEK, 
and in strict accordance with the theory and the practice of its professors. 
Our arrangements for the application of the Hygienic treatment are 
among the best in the United States, and we are now, for the first time, 
prepared to applj'', singly or collectively, all the Hygienic agencies for the 
cure of disease. INVALIDS, no matter what their ailments, may be as- 
sured that if their diseases are curable by any process known to man, 
THEY CAN BE CURED HERE. FOUNTAIN FARM, the site of our 
Home, is situated at the mouth of the canon, on the Telegraph road, 
three miles from the bay, at the FOOT HILLS of Contra Costa. It has 
an elevation of 4C0" above the sea, OVERLOOKING the valley of Alameda, 
the bay and city of San Francisco, with a CLIMATE unsurpassed for 
HEALTH or pleasure. No physician or Health Institute on the Paciiic 
Coast is so favorably situated to furnish so many home comforts and hy- 
gienic conditions that are indispensable to the speedy recovery of nervous 
and chronic invalids. 

Hygienic Medicine embraces the entire Water cure applications. AH 
systems of exercise, such as Gymnastic, Calisthenic, and Motorpaihic or 
the Movement Cure, and wholesome, nutritious diet and dietetic rules. Also 
Electricity, the complete Magnetic Electro-Galvanic means of cure, social 
and passional influences, mental and physical influences, due rest and 
attention to all healthful habits, light tcmjperature, and all climatic in- 
fluences ; together with the entire mechanical and surgical means now 
employed in aiding the unfortunate and diseased, in short, it embraces all 
rational medicine. It does not necessarily reject anything in the cure of 
diseases but the internal use of drug poisons, (which, as Prof. Martin 
Paine, M. D., says, "do but cure one disease by producing another.") 

CONSULTATION and Phrenological examination in regard to health, 
free. 

TERMS REDUCED to $60 per month for Beard, Room and Treatment. 

FREE LECTURES every Tuesday and Friday evenings. 

Connected with the Office and HaU is a weU-furnished and complete 
BATHING DEPARTMENT. 

JO®" For further particulars and references send for circular. 

113 



JAMES PHELAN, 

0"FFIOE 

S. E. Cor. Montgomery & Sacramento Sts., 

(Over Donolioe, Kelly & Go's Bank.) 



Money always 07i hand to J^oan on ^dp- 
proved Security, 



Advances made on actual shipments of California 
Produce consigned to my frienas 

^WILLETTS & CO., 

NEW YORK. 

Geo. F. James. H. J. Howe. 

JAMES & HO¥E, 

tmmp & ^mnulm^ nt Jaw 

•WTLL ATTENB PROMPTLY 

To all Business entrusted to their Charge 

In all tlie €ourts> 

OFFICE-No, 649 WASHINGTON ST,, 

114 



? 



OF ALL KINDS OF 




m mmmmm 



PARLOR, mm 

We guarantee to sell always at the 

Hos. 510 & 528 Washington Street. 

BRANCH STORE, R. C. O. Asylum building, Market street. 
!SIO]?i' OF THDE MIA-MlMiOTH BOOT. 



WHOLESALE AND RETAIL 



0^1 



Ladies', Misses/ G-ents', Boys' and Ohildren's 



400 & 402 Commercial St., cor. Battery, 



& FULL SUPPLY OF BENKERT'S AND CONRAD'S PHILADELPHIA 

Boots and Shoes made to order. 

115 



M% Six First Premiums ! 



[J) ti^ 



First Premium of the Mechanics' Institute 1865 

Three Pirst Premiums of the State Pair 1865 

Two Pirst Premiums of the San Joaquin Pair 1865 



CXJTL 



EXCELSIOR 

1 



^ 




3 

^^ Importers and Manufacturers of 

EAZOES, SHEAES, .^^^r^^^BELL HANGING- 

And aU kinds of Cutlery ^^zjj^^^^ ^^ — ~ 

^^^ 1 OOOCJKSMITSING 

GROUND &, REPAIRED. ^^^^^^^ Done in the Best Manner. 

First established in California in 1852. 

No. 013 •Tackson Sti'eet, 

4tli~door "West from Kearny. 

•-•-• 

SOLE AGENTS FOE, 

JAOKSOE'S PATENT HOTEL AUI^UUOIATOES. 

Country Orders promptly attended to. 

F EEDEEICK A. WILL, JULIUS FINCK, 

Cutler and Surgical Instrument Maker. Bell Hanger and Locksmith. 

S. LEVY. H. LABEL. 

^. LEVY & 00,5 

COMMISSION' MERCHANTS, 

AND WHOLESALE DEALEES IN 



Wo, 205 WASHINGTON STMEET 

SAN FEANCISCO. 
116 



•WILSOlSr & EVA.N"S, 

5J3 Clay St., San Francisco, 



OE 



Of Every ©escription. 

Also, Importers of English, French, and American Fishing 
Tackle, which we offer both wholesale and Retail, at 20 jper 
cent. BELOW ANY OTHER HOUSE on the Pacific Coast. 
Dixon's Shot Pouches and Powder Flasks, and WOSTEN- 
HOLM'S POCKET CUTLKRY in great variety. We are also 
the appointed agents for HENRY'S & SPENCER'S RIFLES, 
and COLT'S and SMITH & WESSON'S PISTOLS , all of 
which we offer at the lowest possible price. 

^^ Orders executed with dispatch. 

N. B.— Repairing in all its branches at moderate prices. 




HEEM^m ^ €@ 




s » 

AND DEALERS IN 

MEN'S FURISriSHIISrG- G^OODS, 

TRUHKS, VALISES, 



PARTICULAR ATTENTION GIVEN TO THE 

Miannfactiire to M:easwLi:'e 



OF 



!BkMi 



T^Tr! 






mm 



IS OS. ^ 1 ^ and. 414 Saiiso:ET[ie Stx-ec^t, 
S. E. Corner of CoMiinercial. 



117 



f *, 111 



m 



aj^ i^aia| i^lgai 



^x^imt mi €t^%mm\m 



IVEEECHA-NTS. 



215 Olay Street, between Front and Davis, 



SAN FRANCISCO. 



^WHOLESALE 




HANTS, 



Wholesale and Eetail Dealers in 



Ei®s, mMVfm km Fa®Biei, 

soLr> ON" coM:]vrissioisr. 
204 Wasliington Street, tliree doors above Davis. 

Orders from the Country proraptly attended to. 
118 



L"M.\ y^ 



PERIODICAL AND 







SOVTHBASTEMLY COMNEM 



WASHINGTON & SANSOME STS, 



Subscriptions received for PEBIODIOALS from all 
parts of the world. 



Is by every Steamer 



A^i the Zeading "Papers and Magazines 
Constantly on Ifand, 



ALSO, 



A FULL SOPPi-Y OF 



CUTLERY, 



Country Orders promptly attended to. 

119 



BY XJSING!- 




Ml 



This powder is universally preferred by consumers over all 
other kind of Soaps and compounds, for its economy and utility 
for Washing and Cleaning Purposes. 

It is made of pure material, and contains no foreign or delete- 
rious ingredient to injure the finest fabric. Equally as good for 
using in Hard as Soft water. No Soap ever required with it. 
Wherever Soap is used this Powder can be used far more effect- 
ively, only requiring one-half the time to produce abetter result. 
One lady says : " Your Washing Powder certainly is the best 
thing for Washing that I ever saw." Another says: "It is 
truly wonderful; far better and cheaper than Soap ;" and so say 
all who have tried it. 

7^ is put up in wrappers of ^ lb. each, and 
packed i7i 2^-lb. boxes with fall directions j also 
(^utk) in boxes of fO lbs, ' 

Parties purchasing this valuable Powder should be particular 
to buy none but STAI^OARD SOAP CO'S- 
They are the only manufacturers of the genuine article. Get a 
package from your grocer's, and test its virtues. 

SOLD BVBRY^^HBRB. 



MANUFACTURED AT 






ST. 



Standard Soap Co. also manufactures superior brands of 
Soap, of uniform grade and quality, viz : 

Pale, Oliemical Olive, and Detersive Soaps, 

Equal to Eastern Manufactui-e, wMch are offered at tHe lowest market rates. 

120 



LANGLEY, OEOWELL & CO. 




IMPORTERS AND WHOLESALE 



©^3? ' 



Corner of Clay and Battery Streets, 








CHAS. LANGLEY, 
EUGENE CEOWELL, 
RICH'D BRAINARD. 



Bm wmm^m(^Qi, 



'? 



M©. sag €Mf Stottt, 

SAN FRANCISCO, 

NEWS, PRINTING, 
BOOK, MANILLA, 

WRAPPING, 

Paper Bags, Straw Boards, Twines, Etc. 



PBOPEIETOBS OF THE PIOKEER PAPEB mtt.t„ 

TAYLORVILLE, MARIN CO.' 



The highest price paid for Rags an^ Rope. 

6 . 121 



■iiiiimii f 




MALOIVISY'S 



B 



^iiiiiiijjj 



i 



II 



Corner Broadway and Sansome Streets, 



COIINELITIS MALONET, - - Proprietor . 
•-•-• 

The FranMin House is situated in a very healthy location, within two 
and a half blocks of where the Sacramento, Stockton, San Jose and Napa 
boats land. 

The Eooms are well ventilated, and the Beds of the very best quahty, 

A LIBRARY AND READING ROOM 

For tbe use of Guests is attacbed to the House, also 

A FIRE-PROOF SAFE, 

Where money and other valuables are taken charge of at the risk of the 
proprietor. Suites of Rooms for Ladies and Families on reasonable terms. 
jg@=- The Franklin House Omnibus will be at the Steamers on arrival, 
and will convey Passengers and Baggage to the House Fbek or Chajege. 

122 



Q^ 



WINTERBUEN & CO, 

417 Glajf Street. 



^ Stamps of aU kinds made to Order, 



123 



W. JACOBS. 



JNO. KLEINHANS. ALBERT LUSK. 



WHOLESALE COMMISSION DEALERS AND JOBBERS XS 

CALIFORNIA AND OREGON 



a®itl© lit Mtt Ma^ki)te 

CLAT STREET, BELOW III0IVTG0IIIIER7, 



IMPORTERS OF FINE 



m 



Iw 



i 



TOBA.CCO, ETO. 

CORNER CLAY & BATTERY STREETS, 



S5 &c 27 CEDAR STREET, 

HIW YOEK. 

124 




































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